A Tale of Memories
by WoundedBlackWing
Summary: AU - This is a tale about two very different boy with two very different live, meet under the name of Hitsuzen. But things will never be easy for them and Hitsuzen won't make it any better. DouxWata
1. A Tale of Birth

**A Tale of Memories**

Disclaimer : Holic isn't belong to me

Pairing : Doumeki x Watanuki

Summary : AU – Once upon a time, two very different boy with two very different live meet under the name of Hitsuzen.

**A Tale of Birth**

-- 3 March, Sunny day --

A baby cries echoed loud in a temple, a mother of newborn baby is smile tiredly in her bed, tears of happiness tickling down on her face. The father held his wife hand and kiss her temple "We have a boy, a very healthy one." He whispers in her ears.

"Where is he? I want to held him." said the mother.

The grandmother comes close bring the baby in her arms "Here you go dear, he is very handsome."

The baby has been placed gently in his mother arms "You are right, our son is very handsome and healthy." The mother said as she place butterfly kiss in her child face.

"And not just that." said the grandfather suddenly, everyone attention turned to him. He joins his family and look at his grandson with soft look in his eyes "He is born with all the luck he could have. He will be strong, smart, he will be loved by many, he can get most of he wanted, he will be wise, independent, he will grown as someone we can proud of."

A smile rose in everyone face. "This child will bring fortune to those around him. He will become protector to those he care about." said the grandfather again.

"If father said so, then he will be so." said the mother.

"What you will name him?" ask the grandmother.

The mother kiss the baby temple softly "Shizuka, he will be Shizuka."

_Once upon a time, one boy born with all the luck he could have._

-- 1 April, Rainy day --

In some antique house, a beautiful woman with red eyes and long black hair sit in the porch, gulping another bottle of her sake. She take a deep, heavy breath "Everything is finally begin. Just now, _he_ has been born."

She watching as rain pouring down "Poor child, even the sky is crying for him. The child hitsuzen has been decided by his own choice, it will be difficult, painful one. His burden which he must carry is very heavy one."

She take another gulp of sake "For all the regret he has, for the painful truth he knows, and for the sake of same wish they have, making him choose unhappier path. As a child that born without any luck, as a child who choose sorrow over happiness, as a child whose refusing what he could have, as a child who never mean to be exist…"

Her eye is on sky, but her gaze is far far away "At time like this … I really hate hitsuzen, Clow …"

_Once upon a time, one boy born without any luck._

000

I know this one is short, but hey, it's just beginning. Just to let you know, this story is AU, so just expect many different than the real one, but the plot will be pretty much remain the same. Maybe the character will be a little OOC, but I'll try not to keep on line. Almost forgot, about my other stories, I must apologize for those who read it because for now I'm concentrating in xxxholic and Kuroshitsuji. Thank you so much for reading this.

Next : What is the most precious memory you have? For them it was childhood memory, when they have nothing but happiness, when they have no worry, when the world so beautiful, when they just did not understand, yet.


	2. A Tale of Childhood

**A Tale of Memories**

Disclaimer : Holic isn't belong to me

Pairing : Doumeki x Watanuki

Summary : AU – Once upon a time, two very different boy with two very different live meet under the name of Hitsuzen.

**A Tale of Childhood**

"Shizuka, you will be strong, you have to be strong." said Haruka.

"And why is that, grandfather?" ask the 6 years old.

"So you will be able to protect what you want to protect."

"What I want to protect…?" Shizuka silent for a second "I want to protect this family."

Haruka gave a little laugh "Yes, of course you'll protect this family, but that's not what I mean."

"What did you mean, grandfather?"

"Someday Shizuka, you'll find something, someone that you'll want to protect by choice. Someone very important and you hold so dearly."

"Someone more important than my family?"

"Yes, someone who need you, someone who you'll need. Someone who'll bring you happiness and pain. Someone who'll make you experiences many things, many feeling you never know before. Someone who'll make you hopes but can destroy that hope also. Someone who will become the source of your happiness and sorrow. Hitsuzen will bring you two together, and hitsuzen can separate you two."

"I'm afraid I don't understand, grandfather."

"You will someday, Shizuka. You will someday."

"If that someone is very important to me, then I'll become strong so I can protect that someone. I'll make sure that someone will be always safe as long as I'm around, and I'll never let go."

Haruka give Shizuka his soft, gentle smile with proud look in his eyes "I know you will, Shizuka, but …" the proud look change into something more sad "Protecting someone is not an easy task, Shizuka. Especially if that someone is…"

"Is what?"

Haruka shake is head a little "No, nothing. Nothing you should know now. But as I said, protecting someone is a really hard, difficult task. Hitsuzen can be very cruel, you must struggling so hard to keep that someone safe. Many sacrifice you'll do, many painful things you'll experience, many misfortune you have to face. And even so, sometimes no matter what you do, no matter how hard you effort, no matter what and how many sacrifice you give, there is a thing you can't have, a wish can never be granted."

"Did you mean I can't protect that someone?"

"No, the future is something uncertain. The future is not just one, and there always hope. Your every decision will make your future."

"…then so be it. I'll found that someone, and no matter what, I'll do my very best to protect that someone. I'll become more and more stronger so I can face anything that come in my way. From all that sacrifice, all painful things, all misfortune, I'll become more stronger. When I'll found that someone, I'll never let that person hands go. I'll make my own future, where that person can be happy, can be safe. I swear I'll never give up until the very end."

Once again that soft, gentle smile and proud look return "You make me very proud, very happy. Be strong Shizuka, became someone who can protect. You were born with so many luck one could have, and you'll need every luck you have to share it with that someone."

"Sharing my luck?

"That someone will be polar opposite of you, Shizuka. Both of you need as many luck as you could have. You have to work hard just to enter his life, let alone have him as yours." Haruka chuckle at this.

The term of 'he' did not escape Shizuka, but he couldn't care less. It's not like he didn't understand, he did understand, and that's why it's really not a problem. Nor the fact that his grandfather seems already know who this someone is, if Haruka choose not to tell, then it means he need not to know just yet.

"Until now, you can have what you want easily. But it's not going to be easy one. Are you ready to work so hard that you never have to before?"

"As I said grandfather, when I found that someone, I'll never let go."

"Yes, with him you have to be persistent but patient. Now I'm sure, no matter what, you'll never lose your way. And you will be fine, even I'm not around."

"Even you not around? What do you mean, grandfather?"

"Remember Shizuka, something hard to get, it's something hold a greatest value. As long as you don't give up, your effort will be rewarded. And you must be patient, very patient, not hurry but take one step in one time. Do not rush thing, no matter how much you want it, slowly but surely. Knowing when the time to back away a little, when the time to stay still, when the time to move onward. And no matter how painful things turn out to be, you do what you want to do, and I'll make sure you have the chance to."

Haruka is avoiding his question, instead he give him more mysteries, but Shizuka force himself to not questioning his grandfather more. He'll know when the time comes. "Yes, I will, grandfather."

_Once upon a time, one boy has sworn to protect._

The father put the food into his mouth and chews slowly. The young boy look nervous, watching his father expression "How was it, father?"

His father give him smile "Yes, it's delicious. You really are getting good at this."

The young boy smiling in happiness "Thank you, father. Shall I call mom now?"

"No, you take a bath. Your mother will be here shortly and we'll have dinner together."

"Okay, father."

The father watches as his son leaving the kitchen. His smile slowly disappear "You really are getting good, soon … nothing more I can teach." He whisper as his wife come into kitchen and stand beside him.

"Is that's our dinner today?" ask the mother as she give his husband cheek light kiss.

"Yes. Our son made it and it's really delicious." said the father with smile on his face, but his wife can't be fooled so easily.

"What's wrong?"

The father silent for a second, he really grateful his wife can read him easily, but other time he hopes his wife isn't that good. This is one of those other times. "No, it's just … it's really good, his cooking. Soon he'll master all he need to …" he takes a deep breath "All he needs to make it by his own."

His wife face becomes sad. He actually didn't want to say it out loud, but even if he didn't say it, his wife understand it, they feel same kind of pain. His wife then hugging him from behind "It's alright … he will make it. Our son have big, strong heart and nice, gentle soul, no matter how heavy the burden he must carry, no matter how cruel hitsuzen can be. Both of them are."

At time like this, he know his wife is stronger than him "I know, I believe in him, I believe in _them_. It just … hard, to be all over this again."

"We know it's gonna be painful, but someday, someday we will meet them again. She said it, that people wish is always stronger. All we could do now is filling his days with nothing but happiness, until the day we must leave come. And I believe there is a future where we all gonna be reunite once more, and never separated again."

The father turn around and hug his wife back "Yes, and we will do our best to protect him. And it's not just us, there is many people will do the same. People he had meet, people he will meet, will become the lights in his dark path."

"Our son will never be really alone. Even there will be years when no one around him, many watch over him. And the witch has promise us, she'll protect our son when we cannot. Beside, he will meet his destined person." his wife gives his husband smile.

He smile back "He will be protected, and he'll be able to protect what important for him as well. It's gonna be long, painful years, but let us believe in the future."

_Once upon a time, one boy has sworn to be protected._

000

Thank you so much for the review, I really glad you like this one. I so very bad at grammar, so I'm sorry for all the mistake. Next chapter will take more time since I'll have someone to beta it first, someone can help me with grammar? I love Haruka, he is so cool and charming in his own way. I don't know how Doumeki when he was child, but I expect he was a mature one. By the way, does anyone know the name of Doumeki's parents and Haruka's wife?

Next : When you have something, it means you can very well lose it. Sometimes, there's a thing, precious thing that once you lose it, it will never return. Something is fated to just slip out from our hands.


	3. A Tale of Losing Things

**A Tale of Memories**

Disclaimer : Holic isn't belong to me

Pairing : Doumeki x Watanuki

Summary : AU – Once upon a time, two very different boy with two very different live meet under the name of Hitsuzen.

Warning : Content spoiler of the latest chapter of Holic and Tsubasa, maybe confusing those who haven't read them yet.

_This story being BETA by __**AozoraNoShita**_

**A Tale of Losing Things**

Shizuka was in fifth grade when he lost Haruka. Not even a single tear fell from his eyes; he just watched in silence. Those who didn't know him thought that maybe he did not truly understand the meaning of 'death'. Really, those people were silly; he was in fifth grade, he lived in temple, how could he not understand?

Shizuka was just … already prepared for the day to come. Since his grandfather hinted at 'when he was no longer around,' Shizuka had been doing a lot of thinking and grasped what his grandfather had meant. It didn't mean that he was not sad—he was very close to Haruka—but despite knowing this day would come, his heart still broke into pieces.

The reason he did not shed tears was actually pretty simple: first, because he understood the concept of death, maybe too much for his own good. Second, since childhood, he had problems expressing what he felt. The fact that his family could understand him so well without him having to express it openly did not help at all. Now, he had a difficult time expressing his true feelings. Not just that, he had the pride to not cry in front of so many strangers. The last reason was because he had to be strong, as he had promised Haruka and himself. He would become strong in order to protect someone he would meet in future.

But still, every time he saw his grandfather's picture on the altar with his trademark smile, it hurt. He couldn't help but remember all the time he spent with Haruka, his smile, his laugh, all the things he taught him about…and the fact that Haruka was gone now only made the pain seem doubled. Shizuka loved his grandfather, he adored him, and he was closer to Haruka than his own parents. Haruka was his role model; he wanted to grow up to be someone like him, someone who was not just strong and able to protect what he wanted to protect, but was also wise, calm, and charming. Someone who looked like he had everything he wanted in this world, someone who was satisfied with his life even though, should he wish for it, he could have more (1).

Haruka had been someone who was much more than met the eye. He had known so much about the world, and had the ability to become part of it. Haruka had taught Shizuka that this world was not the only one, although few people knew it. Shizuka knew about _ayakashi_ and the 'second world'; Haruka had been an exorcist and able to see and communicate with ayakashi; he'd said Shizuka had an exorcist ability, too, but he didn't have the ability to see, let alone communicate, with the second world.

At the time of Haruka's death, Shizuka wished he could see ayakashi, just so he could see his grandfather again, even in spirit form. He wondered, is Haruka's spirit here right now? Where is he? Does he wander around the temple? Or even now is he standing at his side? Does Haruka watch his ceremony with an amused smile on his face? Knowing his grandfather, it was possible. That thought lightened his mood a little. And are Haruka's ayakashi friends here too? Haruka had lot of acquaintances, visible and invisible. Maybe they were mourning his death, too. Once, Haruka had told him a story: when he was young he had almost killed himself. His ayakashi friends were very angry and worried, since they cared about Haruka more than life.

Shizuka knew his grandfather's life had not been easy when he was young. His grandfather never really told him about his younger days; he only gave him hints here and there, but nothing more. (2) Shizuka knew and understood. Haruka had taught him well.

When his mother called him to make a final goodbye, Shizuka closed his eyes and drew a deep breath before moving. As he was praying over the altar, Shizuka spoke to Haruka in his heart—wishing, believing that Haruka could hear him.

'Grandfather, it will be lonely without you here. It will be harder without you guiding me. There's still so much I want to learn from you, so much I still didn't know. I still haven't done something that can make you proud; I still haven't become someone strong enough to protect another. But I'll try harder, so I can fulfill my promise, so I can protect that someone you mentioned to me. So please watch over me, let me show you the proof that I'm true to my word, that I won't lose my path, that I won't let you down and become someone you can be proud of. Rest in peace, Doumeki Haruka.'

_Once upon a time, one boy lost something._

The young boy with black hair and pale skin entered his apartment in a hurry. He was panting and out of breath, like he had been running for a while. He locked his door and leaned into it until his breathing slowly became normal again. He took off his shoes, placed them neatly in genkan and went straight to the kitchen to put the grocery bag on the table, then to bedroom where he put his school bag and changed his clothes. He looked all over the place and whispered, "Tadaima," softly to the empty apartment.

He went back to the kitchen and put all the groceries in their places. He started his daily routine house cleaning. He peeked out the window and opened his door a little, looking around as if to check the surroundings, before going out to take his supposedly dry clothes from the roof (3) where he'd left them that morning.

When the sun starting to set in the horizon, he was already back in his room and preparing dinner for one; tonight he would have a taichazuke. He was not in the mood for dessert so he doesn't make any. After having his dinner, he washes the utensils and went into the bedroom. He went back to the kitchen again to do his homework and studying. Hours later, he put away his books, took his pajamas and went into the bathroom. Fresh from the shower, he dried his hair, prepared his bag for tomorrow, did a triple check on his window and door, made sure every talisman was still intact, and got ready to go to bed.

As he lay on his futon, he whispered "Oyasumi" to himself and closed his eyes. But sleep didn't come easily, and suddenly a screeching sound came from outside of his window. The boy drew a deep, shaky breath. The screeching sound was getting louder; the boy forced his eyes to close and tried to calm his thundering heartbeat. "It's alright, I'm fine. They can't get in. I'm fine here." He whispered it over and over again like a charm.

He was afraid, despite that, for many years, this has been a nightly routine; no matter how much he was already used to it, even though the talisman had never yet failed him, even though he had gone through worse experiences, he was still afraid. Wondering if this night would be his end, if tomorrow would never come to him, if those things would get in and have him.

At times like this, he hoped for nothing more than his mother's soft, loving voice and his father's strong yet gentle hold. But he was alone…or no, he was never alone, not with those things always following him. Now they were outside his window, trying to get in. He prayed for the talismans to hold, he prayed for those things to leave him alone already, he prayed for sleep to come to him. He did not pray for someone to save him, for he knew from painful experience that he had no one to protect him, to make him feel safe. No one would come when he needed it, he must deal with this on his own. If only he knew how to defend himself, besides using those talismans, if only this nightmare would end, if only this was nothing but a horrible nightmare that he could wake up from, if only … if only …

But this was no nightmare; this was hitsuzen, and he couldn't escape from it. Sometimes he wondered why he hoped and prayed in the first place, when he knew that what he really wanted was so far from his reach?

_Once upon a time, one boy had lost everything._

000

1. This is just how I see Haruka, he look so very … contented with his life. I wonder when I can be as contented as Haruka is.

2. I don't know about Haruka younger days, I just assuming things since Haruka look so understand not only about the joy but also the pain and the burden of those who can 'see'.

3. In apartment where there is no back balcony, they use the roof to dry the clothes in open sun.

Watanuki is a bit pessimistic don't he? It doesn't mean he's weak, just a little moment of fear and weakness. Oh, does anyone know when Watanuki lose his parents? I just assuming that he lost them way before Doumeki lose Haruka. Thank you very much to **AozoraNoShita** for BETA this one for me. Any review is greatly appreciated.

Next : Can you believe in yourself? Or can you believe in Hitsuzen? What you believe is making your way. When things goes smoothly, when things goes out of control. Just how can you keep your faith?


	4. A Tale of Faith

**A Tale of Memories**

Disclaimer : Holic isn't belong to me

Pairing : Doumeki x Watanuki

Summary : AU – Once upon a time, two very different boy with two very different live meet under the name of Hitsuzen.

Warning : Content spoiler of the latest chapter of Holic and Tsubasa, maybe confusing for those who haven't read them yet.

_This story being BETA by __**AozoraNoShita**_

**A Tale of Faith**

Shizuka took a deep breath, releasing it slowly; he took the position to shoot and concentrated on the target. The spectators held their breath. Shizuka shot, and the arrow hit the center of the target. The crowd cheered.

Shizuka had managed once again to secure his position as one of the best in the kyudo school tournament, and also ensured his participation in the prefecture tournament. After changing, he walked out the back door, trying to avoid anyone else besides his teammates congratulating him. Somehow, though, some girls actually managed to stop him before he could walk out the gate. He just put on his usual stoic, expressionless face and brushed them off.

"Tadaima."

"Okaeri, Shizuka. How was the tournament?" his mother asked as she came out to greet him.

"It was fine."

"Congratulations, dear; now, change your clothes. Tonight we'll be having your favorite." Shizuka just nodded and went into his room to change. Afterwards, he stopped in briefly by Haruka's altar to pray.

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Early the next morning, Shizuka was already in the clubroom to practice. Just because he'd won yesterday didn't mean he would get too pleased with himself and become careless. No, Shizuka was smarter and wiser than that. As Haruka had taught him, _"You can be satisfied with your life, but never satisfied with yourself, Shizuka. Always aim higher and work to reach your goal. When you reach your goal, then make another one, a higher one. Don't get me wrong, humans have limits, but aiming higher and aiming for the impossible are two different things."_

What Haruka had taught him over the years had never left him, and never would. Shizuka was always practicing, he always set higher goals, he was never satisfied with himself… but he did not understand what 'to aim for impossible' meant yet. It made him slightly worried, since he knew that every single thing Haruka had taught him always held a deeper meaning. Shizuka had to confess that he was always _slightly_ worried over the things that he did not understand yet, and 'to aim for impossible' was just one of them. But despite his worries, Shizuka believed in himself. He believed that he would understand someday, that he would manage to face the obstacles in his way, that he could become stronger. He believed that someday 'that person' would show up and he would be able to protect him. Most of all, Shizuka believed in himself because Haruka had believed in him.

Sometimes he wondered what kind of person he would meet. What kind of person would become so important to him? Who was he going to protect? And more importantly, what was he going to protect that person from? What kind of enemies? Haruka had never given him any clue about that; when he'd asked, all Haruka had said was, "Everything I've taught you is _all you need_ in what you choose to do, Shizuka."

Someday I will understand; it was the charm he repeated over and over and over again, every time he had single doubt in his heart. Shizuka knew it was a weakness, he was only human, but no matter how much he believed in Haruka, in himself, sometimes doubt got the better of him. Sometimes he wondered, too, was he really getting strong? Would he be strong enough to protect his precious person when they appeared? Would he able to protect that person against…whatever they needed to be protected from? But Shizuka never let his doubts win; he never wavered in his path. After all, Shizuka was one of most determined people in the world, as Haruka had once said to him, with an amused yet proud smile on his face.

'Grandfather, I have to confess to you that the more I age, the more time I spend without you, the more anxious I get about many things. I'm sorry for all the doubt in my heart. But as you said, I'm determined, and as I promised to you, and to myself, over and over again, I'll never stop moving forward. I'll become stronger so I can protect that someone. I believe I am capable to meet your expectations.'

_Once upon a time, one boy believed in himself._

Today was a holiday. Watanuki loved holidays; he could lock himself in his apartment and do his housework. Except if he had to go shopping, he did not need to go outside where _they_ would surround or attack him. Today was a holiday. Watanuki hated holidays; he didn't have anything to do except the housework, which he did everyday anyway. At times like these he felt completely alone, or like some kind of shut-in.

Watanuki was in the middle of making lunch when he heard a knock at the door. Already knowing who it was, he just told them that the door was not locked. A beautiful woman with long black hair and red eyes came in with a cheerful smile.

"Watanuki, I'm hungry!"

Watanuki just rolled his eyes. "I'm making Chikuzenni; it'll be ready any minute now."

"Chikuzenni! I want lots of satoimo and kinusaya. What's for dessert?"

"I'm making sherbet. _Don't_ open the refrigerator yet, Yuuko-san. Be patient and sit down or I won't let you have any of sake you brought today."

Yuuko pouted, but she refrained from opening the refrigerator. Instead of sitting down, she wandered around the apartment. Watanuki let out a little sigh. In Watanuki's bedroom, she stood in front of the picture on top of the drawer, the picture of Watanuki and his parents. Slowly, Yuuko traced the picture with a sad look in her eyes. "Hitsuzen can be a cruel thing, for all of you," she whispered sadly.

"Yuuko-san, lunch is ready!" Watanuki called from the kitchen. The sad look was immediately replaced with a cheerful smile. "Yay, I'm hungry!"

xxxxxxxxx

"Thanks for the food! Watanuki's food is always delicious!"

"I'm still not as good as my father," said Watanuki as he got up to wash the utensils.

"Hm, that's true. I never knew a better cook than your father. But you are following in his footsteps."

"What about _him_?" asked Watanuki suddenly.

"He was as good as you are."

"Even though you never tasted his food?"

"I'm tasting his food, all right, through your cooking. You and he have the same tastes, the same as your father and that person," Yuuko said with a reassuring smile. (1)

"… Is it really?"

"It is. More proof of your connection, ne?"

Watanuki smiled a little at that. "So, how is the shop doing?"

"Doing fine. I'm busy, but it's still manageable. It would be nice if I had someone to help me take care of things. Maybe I should find a part-time worker?"

"For anyone to work for you, it must mean that person has something big to wish for, and a great deal of power to survive."

"That's exactly the problem," she said with a laugh. "No one has fit into that category, yet."

"Yet?"

"The time hasn't come, and the wheel of Hitsuzen has not reached that point yet."

"If Hitsuzen says so."

"Ne, Watanuki, why don't _you_ work for me?"

He was silent for a second. "…Why ask something you already know, Yuuko-san? I can't enter your shop; I don't have a wish for you to grant."

"But someday you will."

He nodded. "Yes, someday I will, but not now. Not before Hitsuzen says so. And besides, even if I enter your shop someday…I don't fit into the second category."

At this, Yuuko's face became sad. "Watanuki…I can't save you, no one can save you, if you yourself do not wish for it."

Watanuki remained silent and continued washing dishes in the sink.

"Stop blaming yourself. None of this was your fault. This happened because it was destined to be so."

"I know…all of this was Hitsuzen. If it was destined to be so, then it will be so. I have no doubts about Hitsuzen anyway. You tell me all I need to know about it, Yuuko–san. And I fully understand it."

"No, you don't. Or more precisely, you refuse to."

Watanuki stopped in his task. "…I think I accept my Hitsuzen well."

"You accept it, but you don't understand it. Accepting and understanding are entirely different matters. Most people think accepting comes after understanding. But they're wrong; understanding comes _after_ accepting something," she began. "There's always a choice in every aspect of life. Whether you want to know or not. Whether you take it or refuse it. Whether you acknowledge it or turn a blind eye. Whether you do something about it or not. Whatever you do about it. Whatever the result of your actions turns out to be."

"The last phase is what is called _understanding_, and you, Watanuki, have only reached the second phase that is called _accepting_. It was way before understanding. Your acceptance is the same as a child's acceptance of something new he's learned. Watanuki, your choice of words, that you accept your Hitsuzen, means you yourself should be aware of this."

Watanuki kept silent and finished his task. He then turned around to face Yuuko. "I just have one single wish, Yuuko–san, and that wish I will not make until Hitsuzen says to. I know very well that my wish is going to cost me a lot, maybe everything I have, but that's why I'm gonna save all I have, so that wish can be granted." (2)

He drew a deep breath. "I know you're saying that because you care about me, Yuuko-san, and I'm very grateful for that. But my wish is going to be big, and I don't think I have anything more for another wish besides that. You yourself should know about that; your presence here, to see me once a month, is because you have to make sure that I will be able to make that wish when the time comes. You have to make sure I'm alive and well until _that day_ comes." (3)

Her expression did not change, but her eyes contained such a large amount of sadness and grief that they made Watanuki feel a big lump in his throat. "I didn't want to make you sad, Yuuko–san. I know how hard it was for you to…understand Hitsuzen, and maybe that's why I refuse to do anything more than accept it…because it's scary, it's hard, it's uncertain, it's painful…because I'm weak, I'm scared, I can't take it…" Watanuki closed his eyes. "I'm sorry for disappointing you, disappointing my father, my mother…Syaoran–kun." His voice shook. (4)

Yuuko eyes became soft; she stood and walked closer to where he was standing. She gently hugged him. "No, you're not weak, you're not disappointing me, nor your parents, and definitely not Syaoran. You just don't realize it yet, just how strong you are, how brave, you just don't know yet what you're able to do. You just aren't _changing_ yet. You are just a human being, and humans sometimes are vulnerable and have moments of weakness."

"But I'm not…"

"Hush, don't even think about it. Don't believe in that person's curse."

"I believe in Hitsuzen, and Hitsuzen says exactly the same…"

"You're not hearing the important part of what Hitsuzen is saying, Watanuki."

"The…important part?"

The smile was back on her face. "That, my dear, is still a secret. You'll know when the time comes. But I'll give you a little slip: your destined person is out there, waiting, looking for you."

Surprise was clear on his face. "But I thought…What does that have to do with anything?"

Yuuko just laughed. "I told you, you're missing the important part. I'm telling you the truth, Watanuki; just you wait, and you both will meet under the name of Hitsuzen."

_Once upon a time, one boy believed in Hitsuzen._

000

Okay, let me point out the different between this story and the original one :

(i) Watanuki has not lose his memories, yet. He remember about Syaoran, about who he is and about Fei Wong curse. So just expect him to be more dark, more angst and more calm

(ii) Watanuki meets Yuuko far before he met Doumeki, but he did not stay with Yuuko nor work for her, for now.

(1) I assume you all should know by now, _him_ that Yuuko spoke is mean Syaoran, and _that person_ is mean Clow. It has been mention in holic that Watanuki's food has the same taste as his father, so I assume Syaoran's food must be taste the same since they been teach by the same person and hold same existence.

(2) I expect you all know what Watanuki wish is, and it does cost a lot, ne? Since he did not know yet the price of his wish, Watanuki saving all he had so that wish can be granted.

(3) Since Watanuki can't enter her shop yet, I making Yuuko visiting him once a month.

(4) In Tsubasa, Syaoran wish to Watanuki not to disappear, and their parents hope for their child to save too, but since Watanuki has his own wish with very heavy price, he thought he'll disappointing them.

Uhm, I don't know much about Doumeki's family, some say it's happy one, the other say it's broken home. I just make my assumption that he has nice, happy life so it can be polar opposite of Watanuki's. I want to show how much different they were, not just about their personality, but also in their daily live. So please don't kill me when I make Doumeki life is happy one while Watanuki is sad one :P

Watanuki is being dark, angst and negative thinking again, ne? I hope you don't hate this part of him, but I promise it'll get better. And actually I'm little worried my concept of accepting and understanding - that Yuuko kindly explain before - make the stories more confusing than it should be. So if you have any complain or want future explanation or anything, please let me know.

Next : There is no such a thing as meaningless meeting. Realize it or not, every single met you experience will affect your Hitsuzen. When the time come, the two boys with two very different lives finally meet one another.


	5. A Tale of Meeting

**A Tale of Memories**

Disclaimer : Holic isn't belong to me

Pairing : Doumeki x Watanuki

Summary : AU – Once upon a time, two very different boy with two very different live meet under the name of Hitsuzen.

Warning : Content spoiler of the latest chapter of Holic and Tsubasa, maybe confusing those who haven't read them yet.

_This story being BETA by __**AozoraNoShita**_

**A Tale of Meeting**

It was still early in the morning, yet Shizuka was already fully awake and now sweeping around the temple garden with the chirping of morning birds as his company. He stopped for a second when another fresh spring breeze blew softly and some of the sakura blossoms fluttered down slowly. If Shizuka had been a romantic, emotional person, he would have thought about how beautiful the scenery was; but, as rational person, all he saw was more work to clean the garden.

After sweeping for some time, with no help from the falling blossoms that only made his work seem useless, his mother called, "Shizuka, breakfast is almost ready! Get changed, will you?"

Shizuka put the broom away and went into his room to change his clothes, then to the kitchen. "Ohayou," he said to his mother and sat down.

"Ohayou, Shizuka," said his mother as she put his breakfast in front of him. "So today is your first day in high school, huh?" He nodded.

"Itadakimasu," he said as he started eating his breakfast. As he ate, he eyed the empty chair in front of him. "Your father is still asleep, he was not feeling well," his mother said. Shizuka looked up at her. "Don't worry, just a little headache, and he already took his medicine." Shizuka nodded again and continued eating.

After finishing his breakfast, Shizuka went back to his room to get his bag and spent a few minutes praying in front of Haruka's altar before he left the house.

_Juji Private School_

The chattering could be heard everywhere; the freshmen looked nervous yet excited, while the seniors watched with interest. The opening ceremony would be held soon; everyone was slowly gathering in the main hall. Shizuka was one of them. He just stood there, silent, and observed as some of his old friends greeted him and gathered around him.

As his friends talked to each other, Shizuka just nodded occasionally at their conversation while he continued observing his surroundings. It wasn't as though he was being rude or not paying attention to his friends, it was just the kind of conversation that didn't need his full attention. He was aware of some people, mostly girls, looking his way. It was one of his gifts; as an eye-catching person, he was used to being stared at, even by strangers. But it didn't mean Shizuka liked it; he preferred to be left alone, to not have people staring at him all the time. He was tired of all the attention he received every where he was. The only place he could be at peace was at his home; that was one of the reasons why he never invited anyone to his house, let alone into his room. His room was his sanctuary and no one except his parents was allowed there. (1)

He remembered when his mother had asked him why he never brought any friends home; when he'd answered, his mother had frowned and said it was not a nice thing to do. Part of him felt a little guilty, too, but since no one ever complained or even asked him about it, it stayed that way. When he told his father about it, all he'd said was, "You are you, and your friends must already accept it as the way you are." Suddenly his mother had come out of nowhere and said, "But it doesn't mean it's a nice nor right thing to do, Shizuka. I'd love to meet your friends here." To which his father had replied back, "Shizuka will bring someone here if that person is important enough to him." And the talk had gone on between his parents with Shizuka only listening on the side.

For all these years, life had been so easy, things went on smoothly for him, but instead of making him careless, it made him more cautious. Like Haruka had taught him before, _"Everything in this world is balanced: good things balance with bad things, easy things balance with hard things, happiness balances with sadness, luck balances with bad luck, ability balances with limits, effort balances with results and so on. But hitsuzen works a different way…hitsuzen balances with many things, and at the same time, can't be balanced with anything. Don't get careless for everything you have already, and will have in the future, Shizuka, you can very well lose them. Yes, you are very gifted, but hitsuzen will balance it someday. I'm not trying to scare you, but I'm warning you so you won't fall too hard when the world goes against you."_

Shizuka didn't like the sound of that. It sounded like bad, hard, uncontrollable, unexpected things would hit him hard someday. Maybe it had to do with his future-important-person since all Haruka had taught him always had something to do with that person. Speaking of his future-important-person, Shizuka wondered if he would meet him at this school. Or would it take more time? Or had he already met him but not realized it yet? If he had already met that person, when would that person become so important to him, whoever it was? At least Shizuka knew one thing for sure: things wouldn't be easy with that person. Just thinking about it always gave him headaches or doubts, and tested his patience. But, even so, Shizuka really wanted to meet that person as soon as possible; he always longed to have that person in his life, and was anxious to be part of that person's life. It was funny but scary sometimes, how that person already occupied his mind in the days _before_ he meet him, how that person already had become so important to him since Haruka had mentioned it years ago. He wondered how much more important that person would be after they met; maybe he would think of nothing but that person then. It was scary yet exciting.

Shizuka pushed that thought away when he saw the ceremony was about to begin. The last thing to cross his mind was always the same: 'Please let us meet soon.' He did not know that this time, 'soon' would be much sooner than he expected. Nor was he aware that his future-important-person was in the very same room as he was now.

**xxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolic**

Watanuki slowly drew in a deep breath; the ceremony had just begun, and he hoped nothing would happen this time. He had already caused a scene in his elementary and junior high schools' ceremonies and his school life had never been easy since then. Hopefully his high school career would not start with same bad impression; it was bad enough that some of his 'acquaintances' from junior high were already pointing and talking about him. News spread fast, and causing another scene at his high school ceremony would only make the 'reason-why-you-must-not-get-involved-with-that-weird-crazy-kid' list grow. At least, that was the list's name when he was in junior high; in elementary it had been called 'reasons-why-you-better-stay-away.' He wondered if the list name would change again later.

Half an hour later, Watanuki almost groaned in disappointment as he saw a black cloud start to form in the room; the only way to avoid having another 'episode,' as some people called it, was to leave the room immediately. Crowded places were always bad for him. (2) He should have known better than to attend this ceremony. He was thinking about how to leave without catching anyone's attention when he realized something odd: the black cloud was _not_ getting thicker as it usually did. He frowned and looked around the room. No, it was not just his mind playing tricks on him. The black cloud was still at a tolerable level so he decided to stay, but ready to flee if the situation got worse.

As the ceremony came to its end, Watanuki was very aware that something in the room was preventing the black cloud getting any bigger or thicker. Was it Yuuko's doing? No, he didn't think so. Then what? What, or maybe who, was strong enough to make this possible? Even though it was a good thing for him, Watanuki couldn't help but worry about what it meant: there was someone else here involved with second world besides him. Watanuki observed his surroundings, searching and—there it was, in the front row of the freshmen line was an area free of black cloud. (3) But there were more than 100 students in there (4) and the fact that this person had to be pretty strong to overcome his bad luck was making him nervous. He decide to let the matter go and just hope whoever the person was, he or she was able to do this because of what a pure soul they had, not because of something more sinister. And please let it have nothing to do with Yuuko-san. As powerful as Yuuko was, she wasn't someone one should become deeply involved with; after all, Yuuko was the same as his in terms of becoming other people's bad luck. The only difference between them was Yuuko's ability to become either good or bad luck by choice; she had the power to make it possible. From experience, Watanuki knew that putting him and Yuuko together sometimes _could_ make things fine _for a while,_ but it _would_ be doubled back badly afterwards; that was one of the reasons why they met as seldom as possible. (5)

**xxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolic**

Shizuka felt his breath catch in his throat. Something felt strange to him; he could feel someone's eyes, not on him, but it made every fiber in his body aware. Suddenly the room temperature seemed to drop; his hands felt cold yet his back felt hot; his hair stood on end and his heart beat fast. He knew, he just knew, that the cause of his strange reaction was the person he always longing to meet, here in this room, not staring at him but definitely looking his way. He quickly scanned the room, but before he could turn his body to look at the back row, everyone suddenly stood; apparently the ceremony had come to its end. Shizuka was not a cursing type of person, but he couldn't help but use some coarse words in his head as the feeling left completely; he had lost that person in the crowd.

**xxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolic**

Later that night as Shizuka lay awake, he thought about how close he was to his important person. He swore to himself that, starting tomorrow, he would search for that person thoroughly all over the school, and he would find him this time. For the first time in years he slept with satisfaction, having the very first clue to that person's whereabouts.

Later that night, Watanuki lay awake and thought about what had happened at the ceremony that morning. He decided to ask Yuuko about it when they met again later, even though he did not know when Yuuko would visit him again. He actually could try to find Yuuko's shop…but no, not yet; it wasn't the time to enter Yuuko's shop. He must wait until the right time for his wish. As usual, sleep did not come easy to him, but this time it was not because of the things loitering outside his window.

Many days later, Shizuka had made sure that his important person was not one of his seniors from third year. He had some sort of instinct said that his important person was in first year, but his rational side told him to search thoroughly. That night, he dreamed of his grandfather smirking and saying, "All in good time, Shizuka. All in good time."

On the very same day Watanuki talked to Yuuko about the incident, and she laughed hard. "Hitsuzen can be sweet, and have a very strange sense of humor." She kept on laughing as she walked away, without asking for any food like she usually did. That night, Watanuki had a nightmare about Yuuko and someone with a bottomless stomach asking for food and more food and sake, while some sort of tiny black thing gulped down a bottle of sake like a fish and finished off the food like a black hole.

When Shizuka woke up, he grumbled about how his grandfather must be enjoying the show. Somehow he felt strangely hungry all day.

When Watanuki woke up, he felt like banging his head against the wall and screaming from frustration. Somehow he lost his appetite for the whole day.

Shizuka needed more time than before to check thoroughly all the students in second year. Even though it was tiring, for Shizuka it was worth it; now he was 100% sure that the person he was looking for was in the same grade. He wasted no time to start looking among the first years. That person couldn't be in his class; he would have known if he was.

**xxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolic**

They met in the stairs when she dropped her books and Watanuki helped her collect them. Watanuki knew immediately that this girl was not normal; there was something sinister inside, the darkness within her similar yet different from his own. She smiled at him, the same kind of fake smile he himself always wore when he needed to make himself look normal.

"Thank you! I'm Kunogi Himawari, nice to meet you," she said as she took one step away from him.

They became friends.

**xxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolic**

The day when Shizuka finally looked in Watanuki's class was the day when he didn't show up because he felt sick—at least that was the reason he gave the school. The real reason was because the day before, when he was talking to Himawari in the hallway, someone had accidentally knocked into him from behind and he'd accidentally touched Himawari. Her face had become pale; he quickly created space between them and acted like nothing happened. She looked a little confused but quickly regained her composure. Even though he already knew that something bad was going to happen to him, he didn't prepare enough for when it really happened. He survived, and the wounds were not in visible places, but it was going to take some time before he fully recovered.

When he was well enough to go back to school, he immediately went to see Himawari and when she asked why he had been absent, he told her he'd accidentally fallen into the river and caught a flu.

"Is that it? Nothing else happened?" she asked hesitantly.

He put on a confused look. "What do you mean, Himawari-chan?"

She still didn't believe him, so he added some more lies of how strange it was for him to catch a flu this time of year, just because of falling into the river, and complaining about a few slight misfortunes he'd experienced (although he really hadn't). Somehow it worked, and she believed that was all that had happened to him; she looked relieved and began to act normal again.

For both of them, it was easier and better to act like he did not know, did not understand. Pretending to be dense is easier.

**xxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolic**

When Shizuka finally met Watanuki, there was nothing special about it, at least to the eyes of the people around them. Shizuka turned the corner and accidentally slammed into Watanuki; Watanuki stumbled backward but Shizuka managed to catch his arm before he fell onto his butt. They met each other eyes and were silent for few seconds, then Shizuka looked like he was about to apologize, but the weird-crazy-freak-kid rudely snapped his arm from Shizuka's hold, muttered something and walked away.

But those two knew better how special their meeting was. Shizuka felt the same kind of feeling he had back then in the ceremony, and he knew this person was the one he had (desperately) been looking for. But before he can even ask for his name, he was being snapped at. Shizuka was too surprised to do anything but stare as he is left behind. "Don't. Stay away from me," that person said with a cold yet trembling voice. He was rejected. Somehow Shizuka felt like he was being rejected before he could even start anything. He could have gone after him, but he knew better. He wasn't wanted, not now. Haruka's message played in his mind. _"You must be patient, very patient, not hurrying but taking one step at a time. Do not rush things, no matter how much you want it. Go slowly but surely. Know the time to back away a little, when the time comes to stay still, and when the time comes to move forward." _

"_All in good time, Shizuka. All in good time."_

Shizuka took a deep breath, ignoring his inner desire to go after him. It was okay, he would back down for now; they had finally met and Shizuka swore it would not be the last time. Shizuka was true to his word, after all; when he finally finds that person, he would never let go.

**xxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolic**

Watanuki was scared—no, terrified was more fitting a word for what he felt now. He walked in a hurry, almost running and not stopping until he arrived in the backyard and was sure that he was alone. He leaned into one of the trees as his legs gave up on him, and he slid down onto his butt. His breath was ragging; his heart beating loudly, his body shaking. He had just met him, the one who had a very strong, pure soul that kept away the evil in the ceremony back then. That person, whoever he was, was not evil, not involved with Yuuko or something sinister. It should have put Watanuki at ease, but he was not. Something about that person set off a loud warning bell in Watanuki's head. Something in his eyes made him shudder, his strong grip on Watanuki's arm made him feel so weak, so small, so vulnerable. And most of all, something strong inside that person sent so many confused, foreign, unwelcome feelings through him at once. They said, "He's got you, now you can't run away anymore, trapped forever by him." Never before had he felt so scared, so terrified, like he was drowning in something and couldn't get out.

He was so panicked that he'd said some harsh things to him, but his mind was screaming that: Don't touch me, don't hold me, don't look at me, don't know me, don't help me, don't follow me, don't search me, don't love me, don't come for me, don't be with me, don't care for me, don't enter my life, don't sacrifice anything for me, don't do anything to protect me, don't make me important to you. Stay away, stay away from me.

Watanuki felt like he wanted to throw up; the rush of so many feeling inside him made him feel sick. The tears started to pool in his eyes. Watanuki did not like this; despite anything that had happened to him, he had never cried. He couldn't stop it, though; the tears kept coming out. The last time he had cried had been when his parents left him, but not like this, never like this. At that time he had cried because he was sad, he grieved, he regretted, he felt guilt; now he cried because something inside him was broken, something warm make his freezing tears melt down. Watanuki started to sob. He bit his lip and buried his head in his hands to stop his inner desire to cry out loud. His body was shaking uncontrollably.

_Once upon a time, two boys met by hitsuzen._

000

(1) Feel strange for Doumeki never have his friends visiting his house? Well, since it is he we're talking about, it's entirely possible. Since Doumeki has many friends yet none of them can be called 'best friend' and because of his personality, I make it that way.

(2) Crowded place means many emotion swirling around, and emotion attract spirits, that's why Watanuki trying to avoid them.

(3) The line is decided by class, and Watanuki's class is sitting in the back row while Doumeki's class is in the front row.

(4) Doumeki is blended with other students in same and different class that sits in front row so its impossible to Watanuki to know which one of them that can cause such effect.

(5) Well, for me Yuuko and Watanuki are very well like that, but Yuuko is powerful enough to prevent bad things from happening if she wants it.

Ah, this chapter finally done. It's not a long one, but still makes me so tired since I revised it again and again, somehow I just can't satisfy with this one. I have so many possible scenario of their first met, its hard to decided which one I'll use. Finally, even though I'm asking myself why, I'm using the most common and ordinary one. Thanks for keep reading until now, I hope this one didn't disappoint you all. Review is welcomed with open hands.

Next : People said only one can't make the relationship, but it's different for them because hitsuzen standing in between. When the one is running away, the other one is chasing down. The two feeling that didn't met and the unknown hitsuzen.


	6. A Tale of Beginnings

**A Tale of Memories**

Disclaimer : Holic isn't belong to me

Pairing : Doumeki x Watanuki

Summary : AU – Once upon a time, two very different boy with two very different live meet under the name of Hitsuzen.

Warning : Content spoiler of the latest chapter of Holic and Tsubasa, maybe confusing those who haven't read them yet.

_This story being BETA by __**AozoraNoShita**_

**A Tale of Beginnings**

After what felt like forever, Watanuki finally gathered enough strength to slowly walk back home. When he arrived he fell into the couch, still crying and trembling. Suddenly, he felt a gentle hand caressing his hair—slowly, lovingly.

"Shh, it's alright, Watanuki. Everything is going to be alright."

Watanuki pulled his head up from the couch and buried it in Yuuko's lap. Yuuko's hold was so gentle and so warm, it only make him cry harder. It wasn't fair; Yuuko shouldn't be so gentle with him. No one should. He was nothing but a replacement; he was the symbol of distortion. As long as he didn't disappear, neither did that distortion, he was...

"No, don't think about such sad things. Don't hate your own existence," Yuuko said softly, never stopping her fingers' caresses in his hair.

"Why…Yuuko-san, why…? I don't understand…" asked Watanuki as he sobbed.

"I told you, you did not hear the important part of what hitsuzen is saying."

"I don't want it…this kind of pain, I hate it!"

"No, you're scared of it. You're scared because deep down you can feel it: the truth you're so scared to accept."

"What truth? I already know and accept what I need to." His sobbing gradually calmed down.

"The truth is that you are not worthless." Watanuki tensed "The truth is that you have every right to be happy, you deserve to be loved, to have someone love you. Someone by your side, someone to understand you, someone care for you—"

"Stop, I don't want to hear it anymore!"

"—someone to protect you, someone to hold you dearly, someone important that will make you feel like you want to live, to hope for the future, to continue to exist."

"I don't!" Watanuki said hysterically. "I don't want it! I don't deserve any of it! I was a being that never mean to exist! I have no right to continue existing in this world! I am the cause of all the distortion of the world! I am a being that was created by the turning back of time to fill the gap, the hole that Syaoran left."

Yuuko's face looked sad; she felt like her heart was breaking into pieces again. Hitsuzen could be so very cruel, and the crying child in her arms was just one of the many who must suffer so much because of the hitsuzen they carried. Yuuko knew what kind of burden each of them had to carry and it broke her heart every time she thought about it. This was her hitsuzen: to become someone who knew, who understood, yet couldn't do anything but watch and hope. She had in the past and would even now do anything she could to help them, but there were still so many hard, painful things they had to face alone. She remembered one of them, the child in the valley, surrounded by nothing but dead bodies. She'd failed to save him; _his_ hands had reached him first. She couldn't do anything then but hope for the other child to save him when hitsuzen brought them together. (1)

By now, those two had grown up strong and they would meet soon enough, along with the two fake bodies _he _had created. (2) Everything was moving according to that person's plan, but she believed that the human heart was not something that could be understood. By bringing them together, another hope rose within her. But for now, she had to handle this broken child. Hitsuzen had met them and now it was her job to make sure they would be together by choice. At first it would be nearly impossible, but the price Watanuki had to pay in order to grant his wish later would make it possible. Hopefully Haruka had trained his grandchild well enough to be patient until the time comes.

"Watanuki, did you know that the moth is actually scared of the light?"

Watanuki felt stunned; a moth? What did it have to do with the things they'd been talking about before?

"A moth is a being living in darkness, but once it has found light, it can never escape from it; trapped forever until the time it dies." Watanuki looked surprised. "You are just like the moth; you've been in darkness for such a long time, all alone. That's why when you meet the light, you get so terrified. You're scared because the brightness is shining the darkness away. That's why you react so badly to it: the darkness inside you refuses it. And because you care about that person."

"Wh—what? I don't understand what you're talking about. How can I care about a person I just met?"

"Because you have a large, nice, gentle, warm, and loving soul. You're afraid because the darkness within you might tarnish him, might hurt him. He has such a warm light, that can melt your frozen heart in an instant, and you didn't want him to get involved with the hitsuzen you carry. You know that person is the one I mentioned before, your destined person. You're afraid something bad will happen to him; you're scared because you don't want to hurt or lose anyone you hold dear ever again."

Watanuki turned his face away, refusing to meet her eyes "I'm not."

"Yes you are. The warning bell you hear is not because he's dangerous to you, but because you're dangerous to him. All the feelings inside you are something you refuse to acknowledge in order to survive the cruelty of your hitsuzen. You have to become strong and independent so you can go on; that's why if someone is nice to you or loves you, it feels like torture to you. You feel that if you have someone care about you, someone to protect you, someone you can lean on, you will lose all the strength you've built in loneliness for all these years."

They were silent for a long time. "…Watanuki, he is your destined one; he is the only one who can save you, who will care for you, who can protect you, who…"

"No," Watanuki cut her off. "I don't want any of it. I refuse to let him become part of my life. I don't want anything to do with him."

"Watanuki…"

"I do not need him in my life, and he absolutely doesn't need someone like me anywhere near him. I know he is strong, but he's not strong enough to overcome the darkness within me and the hitsuzen I carry. You can say he is my destined one, but we are not destined to be together, are we Yuuko-san?"

Yuuko remained silent.

"Just because someone is your soulmate, doesn't mean the two can be together. You once told me the story of the onmyouji you knew. He could never be together with his soulmate, even though they loved each other so much. Hitsuzen was not on their side. And even in the other dimensions, where their other selves exist, those two still can't be together, right?" (3)

Yuuko kept her silence.

"Answer me, Yuuko-san, are we or are we not destined to be together?"

"…He is your destined one, but hitsuzen didn't say anything more." (4)

The silence returned for a long time. "Hitsuzen can be very cruel. Hitsuzen brings people together only to separate them again. Why start something that will bring only pain, only last for a moment and end with regret, grief and an unhealing wound?"

"The future is still undecided. There is always hope."

"You are strong Yuuko-san, very strong. I don't know how you can keep on believing in the future."

"What I believe is not the future, Watanuki."

"Eh?"

"I believe in _people_. I believe in those children, their heart, their strength, their wish. I believe in the people around them. I believe they can change the future. And I believe in you. I believe you can change as well. "

Watanuki was speechless.

**xxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolic**

It didn't take long for Shizuka to find Watanuki's name and class, but Watanuki had already predicted this. Somehow he managed to avoid Shizuka for three days, but his luck finally ran out. Shizuka cornered him in a classroom when it was time for gym.

"What do you want?" Watanuki asked as coldly as he could.

Shizuka was silent. Well, now that he was being asked directly, he didn't know how to say it. He'd never had any problem getting to know another person before; he'd never had to do anything, they would tell him themselves. Shizuka was determined to get to know this one, but, with his lips is locked and a cold look on his face, the boy in front of him was not helping at all.

"If you have nothing to say then leave me alone." It seemed this boy patience was thin, _or_ he just did not like being with Shizuka that much. Shizuka hoped it was the former. He moved to cover the door before he could leave.

"Oi. Why are you avoiding me?" asked Shizuka suddenly.

"Avoiding you? Why must I be avoiding you? I don't even know you, but now you give me the creeps. Now move," he said irritatedly.

So rude! No one had ever hated his company like this. Shizuka refused to move but didn't say anything either. He just stared. Watanuki did not like it; something in Shizuka's eyes made him feel uncomfortable "Stop staring at me and move already, you're wasting my time."

Shizuka did not move nor did he stop staring. Watanuki almost snapped. "Don't you know it's rude to stare at someone while ignoring them?"

Before Shizuka could react, the sound of footstep neared them. Shizuka turned his eyes to see a gym teacher coming towards them. Why did the world seem to be against him lately? He couldn't even get a long enough time with him. Shizuka backed away and left without a word, but his eyes bore into Watanuki's, promising that he would be back again.

**xxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolic**

"Doumeki, I heard you were asking around about Watanuki lately." One of his classmates approached him suddenly. He just nodded. "What business did you have with him? You better stay away from him, you know." Shizuka raised an eyebrow at this.

"My girlfriend is from the same junior high as him and from what I have heard from her, I think he's not someone you should get involve with. There are many bad rumors about him going around the school."

"Bad rumors?"

"Well, my girlfriend said even though he's beautiful, polite and actually quite nice, he is…um, unstable."

Shizuka didn't know which one surprised him more: the fact that Watanuki was polite and nice or the unstable part.

"He often acts weird, like talking to someone when he's alone, staring at nothing, leaving class in the middle of study suddenly, running around the school like he's being chased by something, causing disturbances in library, breaking the windows in the third floor, almost jumping from a second story window, and many more scenes he caused. I heard some people call him a freak." (5)

Alright, that was definitely weird, but still. He didn't like anyone calling the person that would become important to him a freak.

"There's a rumor that he put the senior who bullied him in the hospital. He always wears a bandage somewhere, so some kids said he was being abused, while the others said he hurt himself on purpose."

Now violent, abusive and suicidal?

"I don't know who to believe; my girlfriend doesn't hate him but she's afraid to have anything to do with him. She told me to do the same when she heard we enrolled at the same high school. I have nothing against him, but really, Doumeki, let's just stay away from the trouble."

**xxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolic**

"Watanuki-kun, are you alright?" asked Himawari.

"Hm? Ah, yes, of course I'm alright. Why, what's the matter, Himawari-chan?"

"Nothing, it's just…lately you've been acting weird; are you sure you're alright?"

"Yes, don't worry, I just…have something on my mind."

"Well, if you say so. But if you need my help or someone to talk to, just find me, okay?"

"Thank you, Himawari-chan."

"Oh, by the way Watanuki-kun, do you know Doumeki Shizuka-kun?"

Watanuki tensed. "Um, not really, just a face and a name. Why?"

"My friends say he's being asking around about you."

Before Watanuki could say anything, he froze when he saw the person they had just been talking about walking their way. "I'm sorry, Himawari-chan. I have something to do. See you tomorrow at lunch."

He's running away again, Shizuka thought. But it was fine, the one he was looking for now wasn't him. He stopped in front of Himawari and she offered him a smile.

"Hello, can I help you?"

Yes, of course she could, that was why he was here now. Shizuka was getting tired of their cat-and-mouse game. Time to change his plan.

**xxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolic**

"Watanuki, you are impossible."

Watanuki froze for a second in the door of his apartment before he let out a heavy sigh and closed the door behind him. "You shouldn't be breaking and entering, Yuuko-san."

"Who's breaking and entering? I'm waiting for you. Besides, I wouldn't come in if I was not welcome," she said with grin on her face.

Too tired to even argue, Watanuki just walked to his room to change his clothes. "You're having dinner here, right? What do you want, Yuuko-san?"

"Beef Curry!"

Watanuki hands' movements stopped for a second before he continued changing. "Yuuko-san, please stop poking around in my kitchen, especially my refrigerator," he said with sigh. "And don't bother denying it; if not, you wouldn't have known I have enough ingredients to make beef curry."

Yuuko didn't answer, either pretending she didn't hear or ignoring him. Watanuki thought perhaps it was a little of both. "I hope you didn't eat all the pudding I made yesterday either." Silence. "You did, didn't you?"

"You made me wait long, and I get hungry," said Yuuko as he came back into kitchen.

Watanuki just shook his head in defeat and began to prepare dinner "So, what brings you here today? Our last meeting was just a few days ago."

"Like I said, you are impossible."

"Can you answer me in a less complicated way?" asked Watanuki as he cut the meat.

"I don't have to answer something you already know, do I?" asked Yuuko as she pulled out the wine from her bag.

"If it's about that person, then there's nothing to talk about." Watanuki handed Yuuko the corkscrew and continued cutting the meat.

"You're being difficult on purpose." The wine now open, Yuuko poured some into her glass.

After the meat had been cut, Watanuki started cutting the vegetables. "I'm not. I already made my choice about that matter."

"Running away is not the answer." Yuuko gulped down her first glass and poured another.

"But it's my choice. And no matter what you say, I won't change my mind," Watanuki said stubbornly.

"I know you won't. Your determination about some things is as strong as his."

"As whose? Syaoran-kun? Or Clow-san?"

"Both." Yuuko gulped down wine until her second glass was half empty. "Once you make your mind up about something, nothing can change it. It's something I often admire." She finished her second glass and poured another. "But it's not good to be so determined about things you shouldn't be."

"Don't drink too much before dinner, Yuuko-san." Watanuki eyed Yuuko gulping down her third glass. "What do you mean by things I shouldn't be? Since when do I have no right to choose what I want to do with my life?" He turned around to finish his task, putting a frying pan on the stove and lighting the fire. He poured in a little salad oil and, after it started to heat, he put all the meat in.

"Doumeki Shizuka is not the choice."

"I never said he was. But it's my choice whether I want to become close to him or not." The meat started to turn light brown so he turned the stove off. "I don't want him to enter my life and vice versa." He cleaned the fat from the meat with a paper towel.

"Even if you don't want it, Hitsuzen will bring you two together."

Watanuki let out a heavy sigh; he turned the stove on again and put the onions and carrots together with the meat to cook it. "Can we please talk about other things?"

Yuuko finished her fourth glass. "Then, let's talk about the other one."

"The other one?"

"Kunogi Himawari."

Watanuki froze for a second. He took the frying pan from the stove, replaced it with a pot half filled with water, then poured the contents of the frying pan into the pot. He put some instant curry powder in it, stirred it for a while then let it boil. "What about her?" he finally asked.

"I think your luck has been bad enough without being close to her."

Watanuki turned around and face Yuuko. "We're friends."

"So, you can be close to the girl who brings more bad luck to you but stay away from the boy who can bring you good luck?"

Watanuki didn't answer.

"Is that really your choice? Or your way of destroying yourself?"

"Do you think I want to destroy myself? I don't think so lowly of my life, you know."

Yuuko smiled a little at that. "That's not what I meant." Her smile disappeared. "But you obviously don't want to be saved either."

"Could we please stop talking about anything related to him?"

Yuuko poured her fifth glass and gulped it down in a second. "Fine. You may choose to stay away from him now. But you know, he is not someone who will back down just because of your cold attitude toward him."

"Your point?"

Yuuko's mischievous smile returned. "The funny thing is, Hitsuzen always has its own way to make what must happen happen. Even now, something is already beginning."

_Once upon a time, the relationship between two boys begins._

x_x_x_x_x__**WoundedBlackWing**__x_x_x_x_x

For those who have read Tsubasa, the child in the valley without doubt is Fai while the other child is Kurogane.

Again, for those who read Tsubasa, the two fake bodies are clone Syaoran and clone Sakura.

The onmyouji mention here, as everyone who has already read X must know, is Sumeragi Subaru. The other dimension I mention them in Tsubasa, they still haven't got together yet.

Not that I didn't want them to be together, but really, the chance is slim. Hitsuzen hasn't said anything yet, but it doesn't mean they can't be. Let's just see how this story will progress.

What really happened in Watanuki's junior high days will be explained in later chapters.

Finally done, sorry it takes this long. Okay, before anyone get confused with the way I write their name, let's me explain this :

First, if it's from third person POV, Doumeki will be Shizuka.

Second, this it the way they call or address each other :

Watanuki  (called by many as) Watanuki, (called by Himawari as) Watanuki – kun.

Doumeki  (called by many as) Doumeki, (called by Himawari as) Doumeki – kun, (called by his family and from third person POV as) Shizuka.

Himawari  (called by Watanuki as) Himawari – chan, (called by Doumeki as) Kunogi.

The rest of character will be called by their name with or without honorific.

Its fun to make Watanuki running away and Doumeki chasing him *smile* Anyway, let's follow Doumeki to chase Watanuki to the next chapter, shall we?

Next : Without really knowing someone, how can you decide either to like or hate that person? When you see what you want to see in someone, did you brave enough to know what's lurking beneath the surface? When what you see is not as expected, what will you do with that knowledge? The choice is yours.


	7. A Tale of Choice

**A Tale of Memories**

Disclaimer : Holic isn't belong to me

Pairing : Doumeki x Watanuki

Summary : AU – Once upon a time, two very different boy with two very different live meet under the name of Hitsuzen.

Warning : Content spoiler of the latest chapter of Holic and Tsubasa, maybe confusing those who haven't read them yet.

_This story being BETA by __**AozoraNoShita**_

**A Tale of Choice**

Watanuki Kimihiro _hated_ Doumeki Shizuka.

That was what Watanuki felt when he met Himawari later during lunch break.

But let's not jump in there, and instead start with what really happened to make Watanuki feel that way, shall we?

In the morning, Watanuki woke up with worst headache he'd ever felt. The causes of his headache were the witch who liked to meddle in people's business too much and the boy who chased him like a wolf would chase its prey.

After a lot of talking the past night, Watanuki once again couldn't sleep so easily. He had a lot to think about regarding what he and Yuuko had talked about. Thanks to that, his body and mind couldn't rest until it was almost dawn.

Fatigue in mind and body made him wake up really late. He still had curry from the past night, but he didn't have time to eat breakfast, let alone make lunch. Yuuko had already eaten all the dessert he had, so basically he was left with nothing. He hurried to school with an empty stomach and still-lingering headache.

To make his morning worse, a few of his not-so-friendly companions attacked him on his way to school. He got away with a few new bruises and a light wound, only to arrive late to class, greeted by an angry teacher. The protests of his stomach made it harder to concentrate in class, but at least his stomach had enough manners to not protest loud enough for anyone to hear. As soon as that thought crossed his mind, his stomach showed how wrong he was with a loud wail that everyone in the class could hear.

Really, that was not a way of humiliating himself he had ever thought about. He did have past experience with humiliating himself, but it always had to do with the ayakashi or something similar. At least when that happened, it happened for a reason, even if it was a reason only he could see. But now? _Damn you, stomach_! This was all Yuuko's fault! And that Doumeki Shizuka's fault too! _'The boy who will bring you good luck' my ass_! Nothing good had happened to him ever since they met.

Despite everything he talked about with Yuuko, he still had strong doubts about having anything to do with Doumeki Shizuka. Yes, you heard it right: he doubted, not refused it entirely like he had a day before. Thanks to Yuuko's persistent rambling last night, he was starting to think that maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to know Doumeki Shizuka a little more. But just a little, and it would be very limited.

Yuuko was right; the more he ran away, the more Doumeki Shizuka would chase him. It was just human nature to like a challenge. Running away was not the best option, especially if you're dealing with someone as persistent as Doumeki Shizuka. At least, that was what he was thinking before his mood got worse.

Lunchtime finally came, and Watanuki's day was not getting any better. He had promised to meet with Himawari-chan, but he didn't have any lunch, to begin with. Not having any other choice, Watanuki headed to buy something in the cafeteria. He always brought his own lunch, so he'd never bought anything from the cafeteria before. He also didn't know that the cafeteria was a battle ground for the hungry students.

The only good thing to happen to him today was that somehow he managed to buy some bread and come out from cafeteria in one piece. He swore loudly to himself that he would never ever again forget to bring any lunch, even if he had to be late for school.

As he headed to their meeting place, he overheard some girls talking about 'good looking guys in school,' and Doumeki Shizuka's name mentioned. Watanuki growled inside; he did not need to see _that guy_ today. Yes, he did think about trying to know Doumeki Shizuka a little more, but today was a bad day and meeting with him would not make it any better. Really, for Doumeki Shizuka's own good, he'd better not show up today.

"Ah, Watanuki-kun." Himawari's voice greeted him.

"Himawa—" he stopped abruptly and his smile disappeared when he saw and immediately recognized the other person sitting with Himawari.

"You don't mind him joining us for lunch, do you? He asked me yesterday, and since you two are friends I agreed."

Oh, yes, of course he didn't mind. Not at all; after all, now it was decided for sure that Watanuki Kimihiro _hated_ Doumeki Shizuka, for good.

**xxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolic**

In her store, Yuuko shook her head in disbelief. She didn't know whether to be amused or not. Really, Hitsuzen had a very strange sense of humor. Things would not be easy for the two of them.

"It's not that your timing is becoming worse, Doumeki Shizuka. It's just the way Hitsuzen is playing the cards. Really, when it comes to Watanuki, the world is against you."

"Watanuki?" asked the girl with blue hair.

"Watanuki?" asked the girl with red hair.

Yuuko smiled at the two girls. "Yes, the one who will be here when the time comes."

"Not now?"

"Not now?"

"No, you two have to wait a little bit longer. I know you two will love him."

"We will love Watanuki!"

"We will love Watanuki!"

Once again, Yuuko was smiling. "Yes, and Watanuki will love you both, too. With people who care for him, people who he holds dear, and his destined person to help, saving him is no longer an impossible task."

**xxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolic**

Shizuka didn't know why, but somehow he had this terrible feeling that he had made a BIG mistake. Watanuki was always running away, so he had to use Kunogi Himawari, the only one who seemed close to Watanuki. He had been so sure about this yesterday when he asked Kunogi if he could join them for lunch. He even made up some lies that he and Watanuki were friends and how it would be rude of him if he showed up so suddenly without informing Kunogi first. Now he thought that maybe he was pushing it too far.

Watanuki's face when he saw him was, in one way, priceless. But the anger and rejection in Watanuki's eyes made him wonder whether it was worth it. Shizuka wondered about it as the afternoon classes started. Watanuki definitely didn't like him using Kunogi to get closer to him; Watanuki's tone when he talked to him was very cold and full of suppressed anger. There was also a hint of tiredness in there. Not to mention how pale Watanuki was. Maybe today had been a bad day for him, and he had just made it worse by showing up at lunch.

Shizuka didn't like that; why was it so hard to get closer to Watanuki? And when he asked other students, all he heard about Watanuki was always the same information: polite, nice, great cook, weird, unstable, some were even rude enough to call Watanuki crazy or a freak. The only thing he was sure about now was that no one, no one actually knew the true Watanuki. All of them just saw the outside. It made Shizuka angry, those people judging Watanuki without really knowing anything about him.

Shizuka wondered again, why was there no one who actually knew Watanuki even a little better than anyone else? Either Watanuki didn't let them, or they didn't bother to look deeper at all. Maybe it was both. Shizuka was going to change that. He wanted to begin by asking Kunogi, so he walked home with her after school was over.

"Eh? What I think about Watanuki-kun?" asked Himawari, definitely surprised.

"I just want to know your opinion," Shizuka responded.

Himawari looked up at him, studying him. Shizuka knew his reason wasn't strong enough, and he wondered if Kunogi was suspicious of him right now. For the first time he hated his lack of communication skills. But Himawari eventually smiled. "Watanuki-kun is a really great friend! He is nice, polite, and a great cook!"

Shizuka feel disappointed; so she didn't know more than anyone else, then. But then Himawari, with her back facing him, continued, "Well, at least in the public eye." She said softly, "…Watanuki-kun is weird, but he isn't anything bad like other people talk about."

'Oh, so she does know some of the bad rumors about Watanuki,' Shizuka thought.

"Watanuki-kun is really a great friend, you know? He cares about me; he understands when I need to be alone or when I need someone. He knows when to ask and when to stay silent and let the matter go. He is too nice sometimes, and makes me feel it was really unfair of me to…" Himawari became silent suddenly. "Watanuki-kun is a really great friend," she whispered, almost to herself.

Shizuka knew she was hiding something that made her tone become sad like that. But he didn't have any right to even ask, so he just waited for her to continue.

"Watanuki-kun is much more than everyone sees, he just doesn't let anyone in to see more than that. There's no one who cares enough to get to know him better." She looked up to the sky. "…and I don't think I can be that person…" she said in shame.

Shizuka somehow understood; Kunogi cared about Watanuki, but she had her own problem. And whatever her problem was, it had become an obstacle to getting to know her friend better like she wanted to. By telling him this, she was hoping he could be the one to do what she couldn't. Shizuka felt somewhat ridiculous as he felt a little jealousy of Kunogi for being close to Watanuki.

Kunogi turned around and faced him. "Watanuki-kun is hiding something he doesn't let anyone see. I don't know what, but I don't like it because it makes others badmouth him. I myself can't say anything more about Watanuki-kun for now, but Watanuki-kun is a really great person. I want him to have someone to understand him, someone he can share his burden with."

Their eyes met and Shizuka nod. The smile returned to her face. "I'm sure Doumeki-kun and Watanuki-kun will be best friends!" she said cheerfully. They continued to walk in silence. "Well then, my house is this way. See you later, Doumeki-kun."

Shizuka continued to walk home, with many things to think about.

Meanwhile, Himawari stopped walking and turned around to stare at the place where they had separated. She still could see Doumeki's back. "I want to know Watanuki-kun better, but being close to me will bring nothing but bad luck for him. That's why…" Himawari bent her body to the front a little. "Please, take care of Watanuki-kun."

**xxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolic**

Watanuki was in another dream, and he was aware of it, too—that he was in another dream now. (1) If not, how could he be in someone's temple yard when the last thing he remembered was going to bed? He looked around, wondering where he was. A "Good evening" from behind made him turn around. Watanuki didn't know why, but he knew immediately that the person in front of him—despite looking very much like Doumeki Shizuka—was NOT Doumeki Shizuka.

"Who are you?"

The person who looked like Doumeki Shizuka smiled. "Glad you noticed I'm not Shizuka."

"Shizuka…Doumeki Shizuka? You know him?"

"Yes, my name is Haruka, Shizuka's grandfather. Nice meeting you, Watanuki-kun."

Watanuki didn't know what to say—the grandfather of the person he was running away from now was in front of him. But wait, even though he was some sort of dream walker, he'd never met anyone besides Syaoran in dreams before…and how could Doumeki's grandfather be this young? Either he was lying to him, or… "Um, I know it's very rude of me to ask you this, but…um, are you already…?"

"Dead? Yes."

Watanuki opened his mouth only to close it again. Okay, that explained it. "So, why are we here? Where are we, anyway?"

Haruka smiled. "Welcome to the Doumeki residence."

Watanuki looked at his surroundings. "You live in a temple, Doumeki-san?"

"Call me Haruka." He walked toward Watanuki but stopped when Watanuki took one step back. Instead he turned left, walking to the nearest tree and leaning against it. "Beautiful garden, isn't it? I always love spending my time here."

Watanuki blinked as the tree Haruka had been leaning on started to bloom, followed by another tree, and so on until all the sakura trees were blooming beautifully. 'This person must be a strong one, to be able control his surroundings like this,' Watanuki thought.

"My wife and I often spend time together here. Sitting there." Haruka looked at the porch behind Watanuki, the place he had headed towards before. Watanuki realized Haruka had originally mean to pass him and sit in there, but turned away because Watanuki had backed away from him. It made Watanuki feel a little guilty. "With tea and ohagi, we sat there talking about many things, and enjoying the peacefulness and the beauty when the petals fell down." And the sakura petals around them started falling down. "My wife said it's like dancing in joy."

Haruka's eyes are so soft, it somehow makes Watanuki feel warm in his heart. He clutched his hand into a fist, realizing it was the same warm feeling he'd experienced the first time he met Doumeki Shizuka. He had to swallow a big lump in his throat, refusing to analyze any deeper meaning behind that warmth.

"Do you find this place beautiful too, Watanuki-kun?"

Watanuki looked at his surroundings. "Yes…it really is beautiful, Dou—I mean, Haruka-san."

Haruka let out a big smile hearing that. "You should come here when you are awake; it's more beautiful than when in dream."

Watanuki became a little tense at that. "I…don't know about that. I think it's beautiful enough here."

"You don't want to because Shizuka will be there?"

Watanuki wanted to bite his lip, but refrained from doing so. What should one do when one was being asked—by the grandfather of the person you were avoiding—why you were avoiding his grandchild?

Sensing Watanuki's discomfort, Haruka almost gave a heavy sigh. Shizuka was really having a hard time with Watanuki. As much as Haruka loved Shizuka, he couldn't force Watanuki since he knew the burden and pain Watanuki had and would experience in the future. Besides, Watanuki was avoiding Shizuka based on good intentions; after all, Watanuki just wanted Shizuka out of harm's way. While he, his grandfather, was pushing Shizuka towards it. By mentioning Watanuki when Shizuka was still a child, Haruka had made his grandchild involved with Watanuki's hitsuzen. He knew Shizuka would suffer, but still, he had led him there. Shizuka trusted him fully, and Haruka repaid that blind trust by making Shizuka have to face the cruel hitsuzen, to experience hard, painful things. Now, who's the cruel one here?

'It's for the sake of two futures.' Haruka could hear the witch's voice whispering. For the sake of two futures, Haruka was sacrificing Shizuka. Shizuka didn't have anything to do with the hitsuzen of those two futures in first place. Shizuka had a choice to live a much easier, pain-free life, yet Haruka had snatched it away before Shizuka could make his own choice. But Haruka didn't lie; he loved his grandchild, and he really believed in Shizuka. He hoped for Shizuka's happiness more than anything. With Watanuki, Shizuka would experience a great deal of pain, but without Watanuki, Shizuka would never know the true meaning of happiness, either. But even now, Haruka was still not sure if he had done the right thing. The pain of guilt and uncertainty he could feel even now was his reminder of the choice he made a long time ago: the choice he made after he learn about _the_ _truth_.

It was not an easy choice to make; Haruka had needed more than thirty years to decide. And when Shizuka was born, when he saw his grandchild for the first time, his determination wavered again. For gods' sake, Shizuka was his grandchild! It took another six years and meeting Watanuki for him to finally act as he decided. Watanuki might not remember, but Haruka remembered it well, very well. The amount of sadness and pain in Watanuki's eyes, the burden he must carry on his little shoulders, the tears that could not fall. Haruka remembered how much he felt like crying back then, the way he'd clenched his fist so hard that it bled, the way he'd hated hitsuzen more at that moment than anything else. A very strong emotion running all over his body made him decide.

Haruka had chosen Watanuki over Shizuka. For that, he could never forgive himself.

**xxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolic**

Watanuki opened his eyes. He was in his room again. He looked at the clock. It read 4:00 in the morning, yet he didn't feel like he could sleep anymore. His conversation with Haruka hadn't gone much further. Watanuki hadn't answered and Haruka hadn't asked for more. Watanuki ran his hands through his hair, feeling another headache coming on. He let out a heavy sigh, put on his glasses and got up, folding up his futon neatly then going into the bathroom. He gazed at his reflection. He looked pale, with dark circles starting to form beneath his eyes. He took off his glasses and washed his face.

After he finished cleaning himself, he went into kitchen and started making breakfast. His mind wandered around to Doumeki Shizuka, and about what he was going to do with him. He knew he couldn't keep running away forever, but he couldn't let Doumeki close to him either. Doumeki was persistent; he wouldn't back down unless it was by his own will. Watanuki's hand stopped moving. There was one way to make Doumeki stay away from him: by making Doumeki realize how dangerous it was to be close to him, make Doumeki realize what a bad luck bringer he really was. If Doumeki knew who he really was, maybe Doumeki would stay away from him, just like everybody else did.

But how could he make Doumeki realize that? He'd never had to do anything special to make people stay away from him before, they just did. He remembered the incident in junior high, when those senpais who'd bullied him had been hospitalized because of that. Even though those senpais had always been so mean to him, he hadn't wanted them to experience that, and the look of total disgust and fear they'd give him after the incident still made him feel hurt.

Watanuki lost his appetite again, but he forced himself to continue making breakfast and lunch, not wanting to repeat what happened the day before. He didn't want Doumeki to get hurt; he didn't want Doumeki to experience what those senpais had gone through. So what could he do to make Doumeki stay away from him without putting Doumeki in harm's way?

Watanuki sighed for the umpteenth time; it was still early but since there was nothing more he could do at home, he decided to go to school. With so many things on his mind, Watanuki didn't even notice the pair of hungry eyes watching him from a distance. It was too late by the time he realized; he was thrown onto his back. He could only stare in surprise and fear before the ayakashi bit his shoulder. He cried out in pain. With all the strength he could muster, he somehow managed to get away when the ayakashi let go of his shoulder. He ran, but the sudden jolt of pain in his back legs made him stumble. He almost fell down, but quickly steadied himself. Ignoring the pain in his shoulder and leg, he continued to run. He could hear the ayakashi's laughter; it was viewing his effort to get away as a challenge. The ayakashi was chasing him, and Watanuki knew he wouldn't make it.

**xxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolic**

Shizuka's arrow was missing the target; his bow string had broken. His raised his hand to touch his cheek. It was bleeding a little. When the string broke, the force of it snapping cut into his cheek. As always, Shizuka was already in archery practice; no one else was there besides him, not until one hour later. He put his broken bow aside, ignoring his wound and stepping outside. He looked around, wondering why he felt a strange kind of pain in his heart. Something telling to him to go somewhere, but he didn't know where or why. As a rational person, Shizuka turned back inside, but his heart felt like screaming in regret. Shizuka did not know when to follow his instinct over his mind yet.

**xxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolic**

It hurt, it really, really hurt. Watanuki opened his eyes. He was in darkness and there was nothing he could see besides himself. 'Ah, another dream?' he thought. He felt a familiar presence and turned around. As expected, Syaoran was there.

Watanuki smiled automatically, but the smile disappeared slowly when he saw how sad Syaoran's face was. "Did something happen?"

Syaoran walked towards him until only a few steps separated them. He raised his hand like he wanted to touch Watanuki, but stopped and let his hand fall down again. They couldn't touch; he was still imprisoned and Watanuki couldn't enter Yuuko's shop yet, so the invisible barrier between them was still there. "You're hurt," Syaoran said instead.

"Ah, it's alright." If he could still meet Syaoran like this and the pain he felt now was still bearable, it meant he was still alive and his wound was not life threatening. He remembered being attacked by an ayakashi; he remembered running but not being fast enough. The ayakashi had caught him again when he was in the staircase. He remembered falling down from the stairs, and the last thing he remembered was the sound and the pain when the ayakashi munched on his left hand. "It seems I was saved by Yuuko-san." Since there was no one else besides Yuuko who could save him in that condition anyway.

"She was a little late," said Syaoran. "You're hurt pretty bad."

Watanuki was silent at that for a moment. "But I'm not feeling that much pain." Sure, all over his body was hurting, but as he'd said before, it was still at a tolerable level. Except… "Yuuko has treated me, hasn't she?"

"Yes, and right now I can't pay any price."

"Ah, well, that means I'm gonna owe her. Wonder what the price is." As soon as that sentence left his mouth, Syaoran's face became sadder, and Watanuki knew, whatever the price was going to be, it was quite expensive.

They remained silent until Syaoran muttered something. It was too low for Watanuki to hear, but he knew, since the thing Syaoran said was always the same. It was the wish Syaoran had for him, the magic words that made Watanuki able to go on with his life. Their eyes met.

"I won't," said Watanuki before the darkness took over again.

**xxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolic**

When Watanuki opened his eyes again, a familiar ceiling greeted him, followed by familiar perfume. He turned his head to the right and found Yuuko sitting beside him. He was back in his room. "Yuuko-san…" His voice was weak.

Yuuko didn't say anything; she didn't even look at him. Instead she looked outside the window. Silence from Yuuko was never a good thing, Watanuki knew her silence had something to do with the price he has to pay. "Say it."

Yuuko was still silent for a second before averting her gaze to the picture on top of the drawer. Watanuki's breath hitched. "No other price will do?"

Yuuko finally met his gaze and the apologetic look in her eyes answered everything. Watanuki broke their eye contact and stared at the ceiling. No wonder Syaoran had looked so sad.

"No broken bones, just bruises all over your body. Your shoulder and your left hand are the most damaged areas. You won't be able to move around too much for another day, and you will have a hard time using your left hand for a week."

"So my wound is that bad, huh? Even with that price…"

"The bite was poison."

"Oh, is that so…" Silence again. "How long have I been sleeping?"

"One and half days."

The heavy silence returned again. "Yuuko-san, I already decided what to do," Watanuki said suddenly. "About Doumeki Shizuka…"

"Watanuki…" She already knew what choice he would take.

"I've already made up my mind, Yuuko-san." He met Yuuko's eyes again. "I'm gonna be alright here; you're busy with the shop, aren't you?"

Yuuko didn't say anything more, she just stayed silent for another minute before she got up, walked towards the drawer and took the picture. Watanuki just watched in silence as Yuuko left him, taking the one and only picture that tied him with his parents. It was his most precious possession. (2) He couldn't move his left hand, but his right hand was clutching the futon sheet beneath it.

He heard the front door closing and no longer could hold his tears. The price was too much.

**xxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolic**

Shizuka and Himawari were worried. Watanuki was not attending school, with no news about why again. Somehow they knew the reason for Watanuki's skipping school was because something bad had happened. They wanted to visit him, but neither of them knew where Watanuki lived. Himawari clutched her hands. If only she'd asked about how to contact Watanuki before. She'd been too busy with her own problem and trying not to touch Watanuki that she hadn't even asked almost anything about him. She was really a bad friend.

Shizuka couldn't do anything about that either; the information he got about Watanuki did not involve how to contact him. The uneasy feeling Shizuka felt yesterday morning returned again, but this time he felt a different kind of pain in his heart. This different kind of pain was more hurtful than the previous one.

**xxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolic**

His tears finally stopping, he slowly use his right hand to wipe his tears. It hurt to move but he no longer cared about physical pain. Thinking about the photo would only make him feel like crying again, so he thought about Doumeki Shizuka instead. As he'd told Yuuko, he had already decide what he was going to do with Doumeki. He would make Doumeki stay away from him, even if that meant he had to make Doumeki experience horrible things. He would hurt Doumeki Shizuka if need be. He had been naïve before, thinking about how to make Doumeki stay away from him yet refusing to cause any harm. This incident had made him realize: nothing could happen without some kind of pain beforehand.

**xxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolic**

Two days later, Watanuki was back at school. Himawari was extremely worried when she saw the bandage all over Watanuki's left hand and the few visible healing scars. With his usual smile, he told another lie about some kind of accident. Watanuki knew Himawari wanted to ask more, but he never gave her any chance.

Meanwhile, he could see a clear anger in Doumeki's eyes, and many other feelings Watanuki refused to acknowledge. Doumeki's face was as stoic as ever, but Watanuki knew he was furious with him. Good.

**xxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolic**

Shizuka felt like punching something; furious was not even close to what he was feeling right now. His anger was not toward Watanuki, but since he didn't know what he should get angry at, he felt like yelling at Watanuki about how screwed up his feeling were right now. He knew Watanuki was lying about the accident, and he knew something else happened. He realized the feeling he'd had that morning was related to Watanuki's condition and he hated himself for ignoring his instinct.

Shizuka had made a decision: he would protect Watanuki no matter what. He would find out what Watanuki was hiding. He would not let Watanuki out of his sight. And he would never let Watanuki be hurt like this again. He didn't care even if Watanuki would hate him for it. Watanuki had become much too important to him.

_Once upon a time, a choice was made._

x_x_x_x_x__**WoundedBlackWing**__x_x_x_x_x

(1) Why 'another dream'? For those of you who have read the latest XXXholic, you must already know that the world that Watanuki was in right now is a dream itself. Even though I'm not really sure which one is 'dreams we see when awake' and 'dreams we see when asleep' like Yuuko had explained in the manga.

(2) Some might realize that in manga chapter 1 Watanuki has a pocket watch which Yuuko took as the payment the first time they met, and in chapter 167, that pocket watch appears again and in the watch, there is picture of Watanuki and his parents. In this story, Watanuki does not yet have that pocket watch, and his most precious possession is the picture I mention in this chapter.

Ohagi: oval-shaped sweet made from sticky rice coated with sweet red bean paste.

Phew, lot of angst in this chapter, but I like it (my devil side now on glory). If my devil mode is still on, just expect the next chapter to be more angst, but maybe my angel side will be wake also *laugh*. Anyway, the angst part is dominating this story so far ne? Am I giving the wrong genre on this story? Of course there's romance too, but the angst still dancing in the first place.

Actually, I hate writing about Haruka part. I like Haruka, didn't want him to look bad, but I have to write that. The fact about Haruka isn't as perfect as he looks like just can't leave my mind. To return Haruka's good name, I'll make one chapter about Haruka past and his choice later.

Next : When the choice is made, next is to act according to what you decided otherwise nothing will change. Yet still, sometimes, no matter what you decide to do, things just won't go as you want it to. Whatever things will go in your way or not, a changing will happen.


	8. A Tale of Metamorphoses 1

**A Tale of Memories**

Disclaimer : Holic isn't belong to me

Pairing : Doumeki x Watanuki

Summary : AU – Once upon a time, two very different boy with two very different live meet under the name of Hitsuzen.

Warning : Content spoiler of the latest chapter of Holic and Tsubasa, maybe confusing those who haven't read them yet.

_This story being BETA by __**AozoraNoShita**_

**A Tale of Metamorphoses I**

Doumeki Shizuka was stalking him, and he did so very openly. This was the seventh day that Doumeki Shizuka had walked him to school, then followed him all around the school, walked him home, and loitered outside his apartment. Watanuki was really pissed off; they'd become the subjects of the hottest rumor in school. Everyone was talking about them. Most of Doumeki's fanclub members had founded an anti-Watanuki club, and now he had another nickname: fag.

The one who was responsible for those kinds of things happening to him was also the one responsible for making it bearable. The day after he'd shown up with all those wounds, Himawari told him that after he'd left early yesterday, people had started bad mouthing him, speculating the cause of the wounds.

Himawari told him, "Some of them said really cruel things, and that's when Doumeki-kun snapped. He said to everyone…"

"_That's enough! I will not hear anyone say anything bad about him ever again. See me if any of you have any complaints."_

"Doumeki-kun didn't say anything more, but his expression at the time was really scary, you know. He is protecting you in his own way, Watanuki-kun."

As much as Watanuki wanted to deny it, it was true. No one did or said anything bad to him when Doumeki or Himawari were around. Well, they still did things in secret or when he was alone, but shut up completely when Doumeki showed up. Doumeki's stalker-like actions screamed that anyone who had business with Watanuki would have to deal with Doumeki first. The weird thing was, he had more friends now. Some people started to talk to him normally; they were nice to him and they even protected Watanuki from the anti-Watanuki club members when Doumeki was not around. Somehow the people in the school had separated into 3 categories: those who hated him and were trying to make his life miserable, those who started being nice to him, and those who didn't hate him nor were nice to him but treated him normally. Watanuki didn't understand why Doumeki had that much influence at school.

Watanuki did not like it at all. Especially when Watanuki found out that his classmates were asking Doumeki's permission first before they spent time with him! Those people said that it didn't mean they wanted to get close to Watanuki because of Doumeki, they just didn't want Doumeki to get jealous over them. Not to mention the 'quality' time Himawari often gave them alone together, with a smile that remind him of Yuuko too much. What was with people treating them like he and Doumeki were together?!

The point was, in some ways, Watanuki's school life was getting more better yet in other ways, it was getting more miserable. Yuuko hadn't visited him yet, but he was sure she would show up sometime soon, and with her usual mischievous smile, she would tease him without mercy. God, he hoped Yuuko wouldn't try anything like 'match-making' with them!

Before Yuuko could act like some sort of Cupid, he had better go through with his plan. …Um, what was his plan again? Now that he thought about it, he didn't have any specific plan of how-to-make-Doumeki-stay-away. Great, just great. He got too worked up about the price he had paid in order to heal his wounds and about the problems at school, which made him completely forget about his so-called plan. He felt like an idiot now.

**xxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolic**

Watanuki was angry—no, pissed off was a more suitable word; Shizuka knew that for sure. Yet Shizuka didn't care. As long as Watanuki could avoid being hurt like he had a week ago, it did not matter to Shizuka, even if Watanuki hated him. Watanuki was his important person, and he would not let Watanuki be hurt ever again. Even though Shizuka felt like some sort of stalker now, as long as it kept Watanuki safe, it didn't matter. Even his family was starting get confused with the amount of time he spent outside, since usually he never left the temple ground except for something important.

Watanuki still hadn't said anything about how he'd gotten hurt, and from the look on his face, Shizuka was going to have a hard time making him open up about it. It was frustrating to the point that he started taking a pleasure in making Watanuki angrier.

At least for all his trouble of following Watanuki around, Shizuka had started to know more about him. First, just like everyone had said, Watanuki was a good cook; he stole some of his cooking during almost every lunch except when Kunogi gave her share to him. Watanuki could only glare at him. Second, just like Kunogi had said, Watanuki really cared about her, even though Shizuka noted the weirdness of how they never touched one another. Well, that didn't mean he wanted them to touch each other, but it was just really weird to avoid any contact with your best friend, right? They seemed to be keeping a secret and Shizuka felt like he was being left out.

Third, Watanuki was an orphan; he'd lost his parents when he was young and now lived alone. Fourth, Watanuki was often doing something weird, like staring out into empty space, or talking to himself and such. Shizuka was not stupid; he had a hunch but he still was not sure. Watanuki was not crazy nor a freak nor anything the other people called him, but the possibilities of why Watanuki often acted so weird were not good either. Even though Shizuka had a strong hunch about it, he was not someone who would act based on a hunch only. Something he would regret in the near future.

**xxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolic**

It was Sunday, and the weather was good, yet Watanuki did not feel any urge to go anywhere. Sunday was usually the day Yuuko visited him, yet it was already afternoon and still no sign of her. Watanuki had a bad feeling about it; it had been two week yet Yuuko still hadn't shown up to tease him to death like he'd expected the witch would do. It was impossible that Yuuko didn't know, so it left two bad possibilities: first, Yuuko had been busy with something, and anything that could make her that busy must be a very bad thing, or second, there was something wrong with Doumeki's persistent closeness that made the witch decide not to visit him to tease him about it. Yet, if it was the second reason, why had Yuuko told him again and again to give Doumeki a chance if it was gonna lead to something bad? The more he thought about it, the more things he did not understand.

Watanuki was sure that Yuuko cared about him, so she wouldn't let something really bad happen to him—even with some price—but he knew, too, that Yuuko had her own boundaries, her own problems, her own duties, her own Hitsuzen. Watanuki clenched his hand into fist. Yuuko was right; he did not hear the important part of his own Hitsuzen and it scared him more than anything else. What else did Hitsuzen have in store for him that he didn't know about?

The sound of door opening, accompanied by "Wa-ta-nu-ki…," made him jump in surprise, and there she was, with a sexy black outfit and matching hat. Grin on her face, right hand resting on her hip while holding a bag that Watanuki was sure contained sake. Naughty was not the right word, slutty was more like it. Watanuki regretted it right there and then that he'd ever worried about Yuuko when she didn't come.

"Yuuko-san."

The grin turned more mischievous. "Hm? You're alone? And I though your knight in shining armor would be here," she said as she looked all around the room like his knight—no, his _stalker_ would jump out from nowhere.

"What do you mean, Yuuko-san? Of course I'm alone." He knew it was useless to play pretend with Yuuko since she was the queen of acting innocent and all—but one could always try. Yet the look on her face made Watanuki wonder why he even bothered to try at all. Watanuki let out a heavy sigh, getting up from the chair. "What did you want to eat, Yuuko-san?" Watanuki knew he couldn't get away from Yuuko, but at the very least a satisfied Yuuko was easier to deal with than the empty-stomached one. Besides, with some luck, the sake Yuuko brought might mellow her out a bit more.

After finishing her food and half of her sake, her usual smile returned and Watanuki prepared himself for the merciless teasing he would definitely receive. "So…Watanuki, I heard you have a handsome prince as your bodyguard now."

First a knight in shining armor, now a handsome prince? What was next? A king? "The number of stalkers has just increased by one, thank you very much," he said sarcastically.

"Oh, Watanuki is a mean one! He puts his prince and ayakashi on the same level."

"He is not my prince, and he is stalking me! In the dictionary, the person who follows another person around despite said person's feeling disturbed about it is called a stalker."

"Not if the person is your destined one and he does it to keep you safe. In the dictionary, that's called protecting a loved one."

"You must be looking at silly-yet-sweet-things-for-lovey-dovey-girls-and-matchmakers dictionary," Watanuki grumbled.

"Ew, what a gross name; you have a really bad naming taste, don't you? Guide of Love dictionary is more suitable," Yuuko protested.

Watanuki, who was washing the utensils, froze at that and, as slowly as he could, turned around to face Yuuko. "I'm going to regret asking this, but you are not serious, right? There is no such thing as Guide of Love dictionary in this world, right?" Watanuki asked, actually scared by the prospect.

Yuuko smirked. "Why, Wata-chan? Did you need one? Shall I make one for you? I guarantee mine is much more complete and detailed."

"Oh God please don't! I don't even want to think about the things you would put in there!"

"You know, my products are loved by many."

"I refuse to think just what kind of products you are talking about so _please_ could we stop talking about this?"

"But don't worry, I always have some extra stock kept for personal use. If you're interested, I'll give you an extra discount and some souvenirs." She was giggling, completely ignoring his words.

"Oh God, if you really are out there, please kill me right here, right now, before I lose my mind. Or at least send me to a world where there is no Yuuko or any other fangirls like her around." Watanuki acted like he was really praying.

"Watanuki, don't you like donuts?" Yuuko asked suddenly.

Watanuki blinked at that. "Do—donuts? Um, sure," he said hesitantly.

"And how about some limes and lemons?" Yuuko's evil smile increased by three levels, and Watanuki realized she was not talking about food or fruit. Watanuki refused to think about the true meaning behind her words yet the possible meanings—that he couldn't get out of his head—were making him fight down a blush. From Yuuko's amused expression, Watanuki knew he was not succeeding.

'The day when I'm gonna kill myself is getting so very close, and all the blame will rest upon Yuuko-san and Doumeki Shizuka,' Watanuki thought.

**xxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolic**

It was midnight, and Watanuki was sleeping. He was on couch since Yuuko had crashed overnight and taken over the futon. He slept soundly; dealing with Yuuko always left him dead tired. He didn't realize that said witch was not sleeping. Instead she was standing near him. She then fell slowly to her knees and watched Watanuki. Slowly, she caressed Watanuki's head like a mother would her child. Her expression was gentle, but her eyes looked sad.

"I'm sorry, Watanuki. You might not be able to forgive me when the time comes," Yuuko said softly. "For what I've done, for what I'll make you go through—it will cause a big wound in your heart. A wound that may never heal fully."

"I'm so sorry for using you like this. I'm sorry because you must hurt so much for the sake of those two futures. I'm sorry for not telling the truth." She took a deep breath. "If we win, you and those children will be saved; the halted time will move once more and you all can be together again, even with the consequence of some things that will never return. But if we lose, then we'll lose everything, and nothing will be left besides unhealed wounds and painful memories. I'm sorry, even though we are the ones who started all of this, you all are the ones who must pay…"

She looked at Watanuki's face again, slowly bending forward and kissing Watanuki's forehead lovingly. "But for now, just sleep well. Even though a cruel Hitsuzen is waiting, just enjoy the peaceful time you have now. And let's believe, in ourselves."

**xxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolic**

Watanuki was having another dream. He was in some place he didn't know, running all over the place, shouting someone's name. He was looking for someone he didn't know. He searched the place, from room to room, desperately wanting to meet that person. He finally arrived in one room with some sort of antique sofa. On the sofa there was a pipe. He just stood and stared in front of it. He didn't know where he was, but this place felt familiar. He suddenly turned around; he could see the outside, see that the place was slowly disappearing. He just stood and watched until someone's voice was heard, and he called two other names. The disappearing place returned to normal, like nothing had happened. Then he took the pipe on the sofa and whispered something to himself. (1)

Watanuki woke up back on the couch in his apartment. "Yuuko-san?" He felt an urge to see Yuuko, but she was nowhere to be found. Watanuki clenched his hand into a fist. "Yuuko-san…" Watanuki knew that Yuuko had probably just gone back to her shop, but never before had he felt a suffocating loneliness like this.

**xxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolicxxxHolic**

Watanuki is acting strange today, Shizuka thought. He didn't utter a single complain when he followed him around, he let Shizuka steal his lunch and ate very little. He and Kunogi were worried, but when Kunogi asked him, he said that there was nothing wrong, he was just a little tired. Of course, both of them didn't buy it.

There was something on Watanuki's mind, something disturbing him for the whole day, and Shizuka couldn't do anything but watch. School was over and Watanuki was still out of it. Shizuka followed behind him. "Oi."

"My name is not 'Oi'," Watanuki replied softly, lacking any of the usual anger and annoyance.

"Oi. What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing."

"You're acting strange today."

"Just your imagination."

Shizuka frowned. Watanuki's lack of reaction made it harder to get any answers from him.

"Doumeki…why are you always following me around?"

Watanuki's sudden question surprised him; he only blinked, not sure if he'd heard right.

"Why won't you stay away from me? Just leave me alone."

"Why do you want me to stay away?" Shizuka asked back.

"I hate you, why else?"

"No, you don't."

Watanuki turned around, and the flash of annoyance in his blue eyes that Shizuka was looking for earlier was there. "What makes you think I don't hate you? Isn't it obvious that I don't want you anywhere near me?"

"Because you don't."

"Wha—what kind of answer is that?! You don't know anything about me."

"I'm learning."

Watanuki clenched his hand into a fist. "Why…why do you want to know anything about me? Why are you always following me? Why don't you just leave me alone like everyone else does?"

Somehow, Watanuki's question hurt. "…I care about you," he answered after a minute of silence.

Watanuki became tense at that. "Don't!" he yelled suddenly. "Don't say that! I don't want to hear that! We just met a few weeks ago, how can you say something like that to someone you barely know?!"

Watanuki's reaction surprised him. He was silent for a while, thinking how he should answer. "…It's not." Shizuka finally answered.

"Eh?"

"I already knew about you years ago…even though I didn't know it was you, but you are the one I've been waiting for since I was six." It was kind of hard for Shizuka to talk this much, but he knew that Watanuki needed an answer, an explanation, and he wouldn't understand him if Shizuka didn't answer it vocally.

"What do you mean?"

Shizuka took a deep breath and even though it felt awkward for him to talk so much, he started to explain about what his grandfather had told him years ago. He reminded himself that sometimes words were very necessary, and this was one of those times. Their relationship was not deep enough for them to understand each other without them.

Watanuki just stayed silent, even after Shizuka finished talking, and after minutes of silence, he suddenly laughed. It was a kind of laugh you didn't want to hear, filled with irony, sadness and emptiness, and hints of hysteria.

"Wata—"

"That was the most unexpected, stupidest, weirdest and most impossible answer I've ever heard! You…all of your actions are just because of what Haruka-san told you when you were a kid?!"

Shizuka frowned again. He didn't like the tone Watanuki used.

"Are you stupid or what?"

"I'm not."

"Well, you must be! Either you are stupid or you've completely lost your mind. You're saying that you believe that I was some…future-important-person to you? What is this? The newest gay fairy tale?"

Now, that was too much; it was more than just rude. Why was Watanuki saying things like that?

"And how can you know that I'm the one, anyway? Instinct?"

"I just know." If Watanuki was purposely trying his patience, he was doing a very good job.

"What? For real? Now I know that you really are insane. Forget it, I'm going home." Watanuki turned around, but Shizuka quickly caught his arm.

"I don't think we are finished here. Why is it so funny to you?"

"There is nothing funny about it, it's just crazy," Watanuki said as he tried to pull his arm from Shizuka's grasp.

But Shizuka didn't let go. "I'm being serious here, what's so wrong in that?"

Watanuki's eyes burned into his. "What? Do you need me to spell it out for you?"

Shizuka didn't say anything.

"Fine, since you are so blind that you can't see what's wrong with that, I'll tell you." This time, when Watanuki pulled away his arm, Shizuka let him go.

"Question, Mr. Know-It-All, how do you feel about me? Putting all Haruka-san told you years ago aside, what are your feelings towards me?"

Shizuka blinked a little. "I told you, I care for you."

"As what? A friend? A lover? Or as someone that caught your interest because I'm weird? Or as someone that _might_ be your future-important-person? Do you understand any difference between those anyway?"

Shizuka fell silent.

"You just speculate that I might be the one you are searching for. Well then, what if you are wrong? What if it's someone else you haven't met yet? What if it's someone that is already by your side but you haven't realized it?"

"…It can't be; I felt…something strange when I met you."

"Then what if…if that…strange feeling is not because I was the one, but because I myself am…strange? I, I have this…some special condition. Ah, I don't know the right word, but…there is something inside me that's different from any other," Watanuki said with very much difficulty.

"What do you mean?"

Watanuki let out a heavy sigh. "I just…it just…did you ever think of the possibility that you are wrong? If Haruka-san had never mentioned anything about me, if I was not the one you are looking for, what would you feel for me?"

Shizuka was stunned. If he was wrong, if Haruka had never mentioned anything about his future-important-person, or if there was someone else he hadn't met just yet… He didn't know; he didn't know what his feelings were towards Watanuki. He cared about Watanuki, there was no doubt, but as what? If Watanuki was not his future-important-person, then what would he do if the real person showed up? Since his and Haruka's talk years ago, had it just become natural for him to think that his future-important-person would be someone he cared about, he cherished, he wanted to protect, he loved?

What was love anyway? He'd never had someone else to love besides his family. Could his feelings towards Watanuki be called love? Or just care?

"Do you really care about me…or is it just pity? Am I really your future-important-person or am I just someone that caught your interest because I was different from the others? If I am not the one, what you will do if that person shows up one day? Will you just leave me, saying 'I'm sorry, I got the wrong person'?

"And even _if_ I was really your future-important-person, what are your feelings towards me? Is a promise to your grandfather enough to decide your feelings about me? Something based on a promise and possibilities, can it be called a feeling? This is not a game; one mistake could hurt many."

Shizuka couldn't say anything; he'd never thought about it that way. Watanuki was right. This was not a game. If he made a mistake, he would hurt Watanuki, he would hurt Kunogi—since she cared about Watanuki deeply—he would hurt himself, he would hurt his family, and, if his future-important-person was someone else, he would hurt that person, too. What he was doing now was based on something very unstable, unsure; everything was still full of doubts and possibilities.

Watanuki was staring at him as Shizuka stayed silent. Too caught up in his thinking, Shizuka didn't realize the look of hurt, disappointment, sadness and loneliness on Watanuki's face. Watanuki then turned around "Until you have an answer for those questions, please, just leave me alone." And he left a stunned Shizuka behind.

_Once upon a time, the metamorphoses began._

x_x_x_x_x__**WoundedBlackWing**__x_x_x_x_x

(1) Those who have read the latest Xxxholic should already know that I took the dream from chapter 178 of the manga.

The first part of Metamorphoses is done, it will be still continue to the next part, since it was too long to be in one chapter only. Doumeki is a little OOC in here since he talk quite a lot, but the conversation will not continue if he just remain silent so I make him a little talk active than he usually is. There is no one perfect and I like to make that imperfectness like I do about Haruka in previous chapter. I hope you all didn't hate this part of them.

Next : The questions was being asked, the answers has not being told. Doubts in heart, unknown Hitsuzen. The incident that will change many things. One changes will lead into another. Can the answer be found?


	9. A Tale of Metamorphoses 2

**A Tale of Memories**

Disclaimer : Holic isn't belong to me

Pairing : Doumeki x Watanuki

Summary : AU – Once upon a time, two very different boy with two very different live meet under the name of Hitsuzen.

Warning : Content spoiler of the latest chapter of Holic and Tsubasa, maybe confusing those who haven't read them yet.

_This story being BETA by __**AozoraNoShita**_

**A Tale of Metamorphoses II**

Watanuki opened the door of his apartment and walked in. He closed the door behind him and took off his shoes, then slowly walked to the couch, dropping his bag carelessly and falling into the cushions. He didn't move or say anything at all for a few minutes. Finally, he turned his head to the side; his eyes looked tired and empty.

"What am I doing here? I should change my clothes…" he whispered to himself. "I have to take in my laundry, it must have dried already…and then…what should I do then? Oh yes, I have homework to do, then …um, what else? Oh, dinner, yes, I have to eat."

Silence again. "Something is wrong with me. Why do I feel so tired? I have many things to do, but I don't have any strength…" he mumbled. "I should get up now…I should, but right now, I'm just…really, really tired…" He closed his eyes and fell asleep.

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Meanwhile, in his house, Shizuka was doing the opposite things. After he'd changed his clothes, he had done his homework, cleaned up the temple garden, and now was in the middle of cleaning up the storage room. His mother watched him with a worried expression; since Shizuka had come home, he hadn't uttered a single word, only a soft 'tadaima'. Shizuka was never a vocal person to begin with, but this silence was different from usual; a heavy and painful atmosphere surrounded him.

His mother knew that something heavy was on his mind; she had seen the same attitude from her husband when he had something bothering him. Father and son had the same habits: becoming busy bodies when their minds were preoccupied. She decided to leave him alone; if Shizuka needed her then he would find her. Let Shizuka think as much as he wanted, she would only be the silent observer. She would not ask, but she would be there should Shizuka need her. After had Shizuka calmed down a little bit more, he definitely would meditate, a habit he pick up from his grandfather. She just had to make sure he ate something first, since Shizuka could meditate for hours.

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Watanuki opened his eyes slowly. Darkness greeted him. He turned his gaze to the clock. It was almost seven; he had been asleep for quite some time. His body was aching a little bit from his uncomfortable sleeping position. He sat up and wondered why he felt so tired; the evening event involving Doumeki Shizuka played back through his head. "Oh yeah, I remember…" he said softly.

He stood up, sensing a headache coming on again. Feeling a little light-headed, he went to his bedroom to change his clothes. Speaking of clothes…ah! His laundry! Watanuki hurried to button up his half-opened white shirt, then rushed to the rooftop (1). Fortunately for him, the weather was nice and dry and there were no ayakashi waiting for him.

After he got back to his room, he changed his clothes and then started to fold his laundry. But then he remembered that he hadn't prepared any dinner, so he left that and went to the kitchen. After dinner, he continued to fold his clothes, then did homework. It was quite late when he finished. He prepared the futon then lay down, but sleep wouldn't come. His mind wandered back to Doumeki.

Why did he say such things to Doumeki? He himself didn't understand; it just came out of his mouth. But somehow, that unintentional talk was giving him what he wanted: to drive Doumeki away. Yet, why did Doumeki's lack of response hurt him? Doumeki's reasons for approaching him were so stupid, impossible, weird and really unexpected; it was so much that he couldn't help but laugh. But why did he have this thick feeling in his throat? Why was the silence so unbearable that he wanted nothing more than to run away as far as possible? Why did Doumeki's reaction to his question make him want to slap him hard and never see him ever again? Why, when he got back to his apartment, had all his strength left him?

Why did he feel like clutching his heart in agony? Why did he feel betrayed? Why did he hope, if only I'd never asked, if only I never knew Doumeki's reasons?

Watanuki raised his hand and covered his face. "So stupid, so very, very stupid…"

Why did he feel like crying?

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In her shop, Yuuko shook her head. "Things will never be easy for the both of them; not now, nor in the future. Hitsuzen definitely is not on their side," she said softly as she smoked. "But the ball has already begun rolling; no one can stop it now. There are no such things as 'right' or 'wrong' anymore…those things never exist when it comes to people's wishes."

She gazed into the night sky. "How sinful are we really? We are gamblers, but this is not a game; we are gambling with things we should never bet about. In the end, is our wish just too much?" she whispered softly. "Your grandson's answers will decide whether the things we did to them even before they were born will bear fruit or not, Doumeki Haruka. It is a question that can't be answered easily, but the longer your grandson needs to answer that question, the more he'll hurt Watanuki."

"And the other one's suffering will begin when she can no longer ignore what her heart is saying…"

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Himawari watched in confusion and worry; Watanuki and Shizuka had practically avoided each other for two days already. Neither of them had shown up to have lunch together like usual. Watanuki avoiding Doumeki was not a big problem, since he always did that anyway, but for Doumeki to do the same? Had they had a fight or something?

Himawari decided to talk with Shizuka after school since Watanuki would just say it was "nothing" anyway. Sometimes she felt like Watanuki didn't trust her. But she didn't have any right to force Watanuki to answer her, since she herself had her own secret.

"I have club practice," said Shizuka when she asked for his time. "Then I'll wait," she insisted. Shizuka looked at her and then nodded. "I'll ask the coach to let you in." But Himawari shook her head. "No, I'll wait in the library. Come and get me when you're finished, okay?"

"Fine," Shizuka said as he picked up his bag.

After club practice, Shizuka and Himawari started walking home together. They stopped in the nearest park and sat on a bench. Himawari muttered soft thanks when Shizuka bought her strawberry tea from the vending machine.

"Ne, Doumeki-kun, did something happen between you and Watanuki-kun?" she asked, getting straight to the point.

Shizuka's silence answered her.

"I don't know what happened, but was it really necessary to avoid each other?"

"…for now."

"Even though avoiding each other is not an answer?"

Shizuka twitched at that. "…I still don't have the answer," he said softly.

Himawari was confused at that, but something told her that it was a heavy matter. For once, she wondered why two of her friends were so good at hiding things. She let out a heavy sigh, realizing that she would not get any satisfying explanation from Doumeki- kun or Watanuki-kun. Really, those two…

Himawari drank her tea and watched as Doumeki's mind wandered elsewhere. Doumeki-kun was one of the most popular guys in school; he was handsome, cool, quiet, and athletic; his figure was good, and he was one of the best in kyudo. Himawari had known of him even before he approached her, having watched some of the kyudo tournament he participated in. She had to admit that she was one of Doumeki's fans; not that she would ever tell him. She was pretty happy they'd become friends.

A voice in her head said something else but she quickly dismissed it.

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After dinner, Shizuka spent his time meditating again, but still he got no answers. His mind was full of unanswered questions: Watanuki's questions repeated over and over again. Shizuka took a deep breath. Meditation meant cleaning his mind, but all he did was make it messier. Half an hour later, Shizuka let out a heavy sigh and opened his eyes. It was useless, he just couldn't concentrate. He stood up, walked to the shoji (2), and slid it open. The night breeze felt a little cold on his skin. He stared at the sky. It was cloudy; seemed like rain would be coming soon.

He just stood there until a soft voice called his name. Shizuka turned his head and found his mother smiling at him. "If you're finished meditating, come to the kitchen. I forgot to tell you that we got some mochi from our neighbor. I already made some tea."

"Aa," he said as he followed his mother.

On the kitchen table a plate of mochi was waiting. His mother poured the tea into the cup and handed it to Shizuka. "Just eat first; I'll bring your father his share. He's still busy in his study," she said as she picked up a tray with a plate of mochi and a cup of tea.

Shizuka just nodded as his mother walked away, but he didn't start eating. Instead he just stared at it. Too caught up in his thoughts, he didn't notice when his mother came back and sat across from him. He finally lifted his gaze and stared at his mother instead, and the warm smile his mother wore made his heart feel warm and eased his problems, just a little. Only those who knew Shizuka well enough could see the little upturn of the lips he gave to his mother. He sipped his tea and started eating the mochi.

After more of the comfortable silence Shizuka felt with his mother, he finally opened his mouth. "I'm confused," he started. "I still don't have any answers." Anyone else might have been confused at that, but his mother was not someone else.

"Do you need to rush to find the answer?"

"…I don't know."

"Then just take your time. No answer will come if you push yourself too much. Besides, it's not a matter that can be answered carelessly, is it?"

Shizuka stared at his mother. "Do you think…?" He stopped at that.

"That you are rushing things? Yes. That you'll be able to find the answer you are looking for? Also yes. And yes, it's okay to take as much time as you need."

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The next day, Himawari was alone again when lunch time came. She let out a sigh and decided to join her other friends since it seemed neither Watanuki nor Doumeki would show up today. Just when she was about to leave the place where they'd used to eat lunch together, Doumeki showed up.

"Doumeki-kun," she greeted him as she sat again.

Shizuka just nodded and sat beside her. He opened his bento and start eating in silence. Himawari smiled a little at this; it was so kind of Doumeki to accompany her even thought Watanuki was not around.

Himawari opened her bento as well and started eating. The silence lasted for five minutes. "Ne, Doumeki-kun, do you like crocket?"

Shizuka stopped his hand's movements. "Aa."

"What kind of crocket do you like?"

Silence for a second. "Anything's fine."

"Then, would you like to try mine? I'm planning on making them for tomorrow lunch; if you would like, I'll make some for you," she said.

Shizuka stared at her.

"Well, of course I know it won't be as good as Watanuki-kun's…"

Shizuka nodded. "Thank you."

A smile rose on Himawari's face. Even if she couldn't help his problem, the least she could do was act normally. She would do what she usually did and wait until those two solved their problem and were back to 'normal' again. That's what a friend would do, right?

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Shizuka let out a sigh as he changed his clothes; the club practice was not going to start for another thirty minutes, but as usual he was already in the club changing room. The door slid open and Morio, his club friend, walked in. "Yo, Doumeki, I knew you'd be here," he said as he walked to his locker and opened it. "Hey, listen, this Sunday we— that is, Nakanishi, Taka, Youji, Imai and me—are gonna hang out in Shibuya. Join us, wouldya?"

"I don't know," Shizuka said.

"Come on! It will be fun," Morio said as he changed his clothes. "Lately you've only been hanging out with those two— what were their names? Watanuki and Kunogi?"

Shizuka didn't say anything.

"Besides, you seem…strange lately, like you have something heavy on your mind. Well, actually that's what Captain said."

Shizuka closed his locker. "Captain?"

"Yeah, yesterday he asked me if something had happened to you since you seem…off. Ah, captain."

Shizuka turned his gaze to the door, and there he was. Ayazawa Yamato, the captain of the kyudo club, had just come in.

"Good afternoon, Captain," they both said at the same time.

"Good afternoon," Yamato greet them also. "You're early today, Morio."

Morio smirked. "Well, I do remember the punishment for being late for practice yesterday. So today I made it early."

"It'll be better if you just always come on time," Yamato said as he opened his locker.

"Well, you know me, Captain." Morio laughed a little.

"Doumeki, I need to talk with you," Yamato said as he got changed.

Morio finished changing his clothes. "Okay, since I'm not needed here, I'll go first. Captain, Doumeki." Morio exited the room, leaving the other two behind.

"Doumeki, I don't mean to get into your business, but I've noticed that lately your form has been a little off. You don't concentrate fully when practicing and your performance is not up to usual standards," Yamato said. "I don't know what happened to you, but it's affecting your practice and it is not what I expect from you."

"I'm sorry," Shizuka said. He'd known Yamato since they met in a kyudo competition a year ago, and Yamato had been the one who'd invited him to join his club in high school –which Shizuka had accepted. Yamato was really great at kyudo and Shizuka was learning from him. Yamato had a sharp eye; an unusual performance definitely did not escape his sight.

"The competition is coming closer; you are one of the candidates, Doumeki. But if your performance is not satisfying, I'm afraid I'll have to replace you with Tendou. He is not as good as you, but he's not slacking off."

Even thought it didn't show on his face, this quite disturbed Shizuka. Not participating in the competition because of 'slacking off,' as Yamato put it, was unthinkable. He clutched his hand into a fist; kyudo was an important part of his life. His ability in kyudo was something he'd always been proud about. How could he screw it up like this?

Yamato let out a sigh as he closed his locker and turned to face Shizuka. "There's still some time; just get back to your usual self. Maybe you've been too stressed lately. Have some fun, hang out with friends; a little change of surroundings might do you some good." He walked to the door and opened it. "I expect a lot from you, Doumeki; don't let me down." The door was closed.

Shizuka just stayed silent for a whole minute before he left the room for the practice place. In the practice place, Morio was already beginning while Yamato just took his position. Shizuka watched as Yamato shot the first arrow and hit the bull's eye. His form and performance were perfect as usual, and Shizuka made up his mind. He couldn't let his thoughts affect his performance any more than this. Yamato was right; a little change might help. He would deal with Watanuki and his questions later; right now, kyudo was a more important matter.

If only Shizuka had realized how wrong he was.

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On Sunday, Shizuka—who had finally agree to join Morio and his friends to go to Shibuya—was now eating the food he'd order while his friends talked. Shizuka might not show it on his face, but he'd actually become a little more relaxed than before; yet, in his mind he unconsciously thought that Watanuki's food still tasted much better. He scolded himself when he realized his unconscious thought. After all, he'd decided that it would be better not to think about Watanuki until after the kyudo competition.

After lunch, Morio invited him to go bowling. He had never been bowling before, but he decided to tag along. In the bowling center, surprisingly, he met Kunogi and her friends; then they decided to hang out together.

"I heard that you'll be entering the kyudo competition that will be held soon?" asked Himawari as she sat beside Shizuka.

Shizuka just nodded. He kept the possibility that he was being replaced to himself; he was not going let that happen anyway.

"Do you mind if I come to watch?"

"Of course not."

"Great! I'll bring you something to eat; what do you want?" Himawari asked excitedly but her face quickly fell. "Oh, sorry, I meant, if you don't mind if I…"

"Tamagoyaki."

"Eh?" Himawari looked at Doumeki in surprise.

"Tamagoyaki. Crocket . Onigiri."

Himawari blinked at that before giggling a little. "Okay, I'll make a bentou for you, if it's alright?"

"Aa," Shizuka said shortly. He watched as one of Kunogi's friend called her when it was her turn to play. He continued to watch as she laughed at something her friend said. Lately, he'd spent more time with Kunogi than with Watanuki. Watanuki was definitely avoiding him to best of his ability, and Shizuka still couldn't bring himself to see Watanuki before he had any answer to those questions. Shizuka let out a sigh when he realized that once again his thoughts were back to Watanuki and his question.

But somehow, no matter how much he tried, he just couldn't shake Watanuki's question from his mind, and it was bothering him so much. Shizuka knew that he was the type of person who had a hard time letting things go; if something was bothering him, then it would occupy his mind until that matter was finished. Watanuki's question was not an easy matter; it was something he couldn't answer carelessly. He had to think thoroughly before he could find an answer. He was a complete amateur when it came to feelings, relationships and whatsoever. Really, things were not easy as they usually were for him. The world was against him as of late.

Shizuka blinked at his own thoughts. Wait, there was something amiss with that; something felt strange, something…

"Oi, Doumeki!" his friend called, and a pat on the back startled him and broke his train of thought. He raised his head to meet Youji's eyes. "Hey, are you alright?"

"Yeah. What is it?"

"I'm gonna buy some drinks, my treat. What do you want?"

"…Coffee," he said softly. "Black."

After getting his answer, Youji and Imai went to get the drinks. Before Shizuka could resume thinking, Kunogi sat in the chair next to his again. "Are you alright, Doumeki- kun?"

"Aa. I'm just…thinking."

"Don't be so uptight, Doumeki! We are here to have fun, not to think! You can do a lot more of that after we get home, okay?" Morio, who'd overheard them, joined in conversation.

"What? Doumeki, do you have a problem?" asked Nakanishi.

"No, no, no, Nakanishi, don't bother him. Doumeki right now was in the middle of practicing for a competition," Taka said seriously, making everyone, including Shizuka himself, look at him in a questioning manner. "The competition of the best stoic human statue in universe!" Taka said as he laughed.

Himawari smiled at that as the others laugh. Only those who knew Shizuka well enough could notice a slight smile on his face.

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Week passed without Watanuki and Doumeki seeing each other. Doumeki was busy with the upcoming kyudo competition, while Watanuki avoided any contact with him as much as possible. Suspicion rose between students, since just before those two had been like inseparable magnets, yet now they were never seen together. Himawari reasoned that those two were just really busy and made up some lies about how, even though they didn't see each other in school, they still hung out together.

On the day of kyudo competition, when asked by her friends, Himawari uttered another lie about Watanuki-kun being sick so he couldn't come to watch the competition. Himawari was worried, though; she couldn't lie forever. If Doumeki-kun and Watanuki-kun didn't sort out their problem soon everyone in the school would know, since their togetherness had been the hottest gossip around the school. She didn't know just what their problem was, so she couldn't do anything but hope for the best. She missed the days when they'd had their lunch together. Having lunch with Doumeki-kun was nice, but Himawari couldn't help but miss Watanuki-kun.

Again another voice in her head said something else, but she ignored it.

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The night after the kyudo competition was over, Shizuka lay in his room, staring at the ceiling as he thought. The competition had run smoothly as usual; he'd managed to concentrate fully and his results were great. Yet, he didn't feel happy about his splendid performance. There was something wrong, there was something missing, there was something empty. He realized those feelings were because of Watanuki. He didn't expect Watanuki to come and watch, but when the competition was over and there was no sign of Watanuki anywhere, he couldn't help but be disappointed.

It took great effort for him to not think about anything else but the competition, but in the end, his mind still wandered back to Watanuki. What was he doing now? Where was he? Was he alright? Nothing had happened to him while he was not present, right? Was Watanuki still angry at him? Would Watanuki continue avoiding him until he had the answers? Could he find the right answers for Watanuki's question? Shizuka groaned, as his mind couldn't think about anything but Watanuki.

He got up slowly and let out a sigh, then he headed to the bathroom and washed his face. Tonight he wouldn't be able to sleep again, and lately the meditation could no longer put his mind at ease. Feeling suddenly thirsty, Shizuka headed to the kitchen to get a drink. On the table, there were some sandwiches wrapped in plastic. He picked up the paper that was attached and read it. 'Shizuka, after you eat this, try to get some sleep. Being tired won't help you solve your problem.'

It was his mother's handwriting. Really, his mother had always known him very well and he was really grateful for that. Shizuka didn't bother to pull up a chair and sit down; instead, he picked up the sandwich and start eating while standing near the window, looking outside. If his mother saw him like this, she would scold Shizuka for his lack of manners.

As he was eating, he suddenly remembered Kunogi. After the competition, she had been acting somewhat strange. Shizuka couldn't say for sure, but he could feel it: there was something bothering her. When they walked home together, her cheerfulness seemed to be forced and she avoided meeting his eyes. Shizuka didn't know what was wrong with her, but he hoped it was not something serious. Kunogi was a nice girl. They were friends; he didn't want her to start avoiding him too—whatever the reason was, Watanuki's case already hurt him enough.

At that, Shizuka stopped chewing. The feeling he got when he went bowling was back again. There was something disturbed him, something he knew yet didn't understand, something amiss but he didn't know what, something he could see yet he couldn't gasp, something…having to do with the answer he was looking for?

Shizuka blinked. Yes, the uneasiness he felt had something to do with the answer to Watanuki's question. He knew the answer was there, but he hadn't found the complete form of the answer yet. Shizuka remembered what Haruka had once told him. _"When you can't grasp the real form of what you're searching for, it doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. You just haven't seen the bigger picture yet. Like a painting, when we see only a part of it, we don't understand what picture it actually is. But if we see all of the painting, we will know what picture we are looking at. But of course, sometimes we need to see it from a different angle until we find the right description of what we see."_

Yes, right now Shizuka was already standing in front of the answer, but he just saw a small glimpse of it. So now what he had to do was think more thoroughly and try to see things at a different angle until he knew what he was looking for. Feeling more satisfied, Shizuka finished his sandwich and drink, then decided to go get some sleep.

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Meanwhile at Himawari's house, in her room, she hadn't sleep yet. Lately, there was a voice in her head that she usually ignored, but after seeing the competition until the very end, the voice was getting louder and she just couldn't ignore it any longer. No, she hadn't lost her mind; the voice in her head was the voice of her heart. That voice was her true feelings that she refused to recognize in order to keep her mask as a normal, cheerful, nice, friendly, outgoing girl she always wore.

Thanks to her special condition (3), she usually had to ignore her inner voice that cursed her fate, desperately asking why oh why it must be her, desperately wanting to be normal, desperately wanting to confess to someone, desperately wanting someone who could understand and accept her, and so desperately hoping for anyone other than her parents who were not affected by her condition. She wished for love like every girl wished for, but because of her condition, it was impossible to have anyone as her lover. It really hurt, to accept that she couldn't have normal, loving relationships like she dreamed of; if she couldn't even have a lover, there was no way she could marry. She couldn't have a husband, she couldn't have a child, she couldn't have any other family, but her parents couldn't live with her forever.

She often had a nightmare—a nightmare where she saw the red string on her pinky finger was not connected with anyone, where she must spend her time in loneliness, where the people she cared about were hurting and even dying. When she woke up from the nightmare, she could only silently cry. She couldn't tell it to her parents; she didn't want to burden them more. Sometimes she had a dream about getting married. She wore the white dress her mother gave to her, in a ceremony in a nice chapel. She smiled happily as her husband kissed her and said the lifetime vows. Her parents hugged her and her friends congratulated her. Then the dream would shift to where she lived in a house, not big yet warm and comfortable, with a garden in the front and the flowers she took care of. She had a yellow bird and a golden retriever as pets; she had three kids. One girl and two boys. It was a very nice dream, so very nice that it was cruel when she woke up. In her case, a nice dream like that hurt so much more than the bad one. A dream that would never come true.

Himawari covered her eyes with her hands as she remembered what her inner voice was saying slowly, the tears trickling down in her face. "Why? Why did I have to…? Even though I know it is impossible, why…?" she whispered in the darkness of her room. "I'm so sorry…Watanuki-kun. I'm so sorry…"

Watanuki-kun was her friend, Doumeki-kun was her friend. Doumeki-kun liked Watanuki-kun, she liked both of them and wanted them to be together. But today, seeing Doumeki-kun in competition, Himawari had to admit the feelings she'd been so scared to accept. Somehow, she had fallen in love with Doumeki-kun; yes, even before Doumeki-kun approached her that day, she was already attracted to him. After spending some time with Doumeki-kun, that attraction started to grow into love. She'd beat down that emotion because of her condition and Watanuki-kun, but now, she just couldn't pretend anymore.

"I love him…I love Doumeki-kun…" she said as she cried. "I'm sorry Watanuki-kun, I'm so very sorry…"

Since when was love forbidden for her? Since when had her love for Doumeki-kun felt like she was betraying Watanuki-kun? Since when were things so screwed up like this?

_Once upon a time, the metamorphoses continued._

x_x_x_x_x__**WoundedBlackWing**__x_x_x_x_x

(1). Like I already said in previous chapter, Watanuki dries his clothes in the sun on his apartment rooftop since he doesn't have any balcony to do it.

(2). Shoji is a sliding Japanese door, made of paper.

(3).Everyone who's read Holic must already know, Himawari's special condition is, of course, her bad luck to other people.

Okay, that's the second part of Metamorphoses. I actually planned to make it two part only, but oh well, it seem I need three chapter to finish their metamorphoses. In the second part, the focus in on Doumeki and Himawari, Watanuki not showing up much in this one. So I make things complicated by making Himawari fall in love with Doumeki, the more reason of why and how the hell it happen will be in the next chapter.

I like Himawari, she was nice girl and good friend, her condition is heart wrenching too. In the manga, she was supportive of Doumeki and Watanuki, so my devil side is so cruelly make her fall in love with Doumeki. I hope you all don't hate Himawari in this story, you just can't help with whom you fall in love to, right? Thanks for reading and all the review until now. Before leave, please leave another review.

Next : As the one is searching for answer, the other two are suffering because of their own feeling. They were in pain because they care, they care because they in pain. When the feeling to each other is not reach them or leave unsaid. What the answer will bring?


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